They're a rare species – women in the public eye who are so completely despicable you can't stand to listen to a single word that comes out of their mouths. They're ignorant, they're divisive and they don't possess a single redeeming quality. Well, except one.
They're somehow remotely fuckable.
Thing is, you'll never romance these women. You'll never make love to them. Hell, there's only one way you could ever copulate with them – the hate fuck, where you can make them feel every single thread of hatred you have for them in your being. The great thing is, you know these miserable bitches will love every single second of it, so everyone wins.
5. Jamie McCourt
Alright, I'll admit it, Jamie McCourt is hideous, but consider this a public service. My gift to greater Los Angeles. As CEO of the Dodgers, a position she was totally unqualified for, McCourt and then-husband Frank, who both claim ownership of the team, turned this once-proud franchise into the laughingstock of Major League Baseball.
Not only is the team no longer competitive on the field, but the McCourts have managed to bankrupt the organization and their divorce, which made their wild spending and insane lifestyle public, is indicative of why the rest of the country hates Los Angelenos.
4. Erin Andrews
You know, there are a few sideline reporters out there who actually add something to my football-viewing experience by providing pertinent updates and insightful commentary that the guys in the booth just aren't able to.
ESPN's Erin Andrews is not one of them.
Sure, she's smokin' hot and I imagine she's both intelligent and a swell person. What she isn't is someone who adds anything to a sporting event. She's not a reporter. She's eye candy, a sideline princess posing in a venue where men are doing battle, who's parlayed into celebrity the fact that 13-year-old boys think of her when they masturbate.
3. Sandra Bullock
If I had written this 10 years ago, this space would have been reserved for Helen Hunt. Thankfully, everyone caught on to that ruse. Unfortunately, they haven't caught on to the one that is Sandra Bullock. I've got news for you. Sandra Bullock is not a good actor. She only owns an Oscar because the Best Actress field was weak.
Sandra Bullock is not gorgeous, sexy, sultry or stunning. She's plain and average. She's a tomboy with money and a stylist. Sandra Bullock is not a victim. She wasn't abused, raped or taken advantage of. She married a dumb redneck who was vilified by millions of people who know nothing about the relationship in question simply because Sandra Bullock is “America's Sweetheart.”
America's Sweetheart? I'll take Lindsay Lohan in the middle of a three-day coke binge any day.
2. Michele Bachmann/Sarah Palin
Let's be honest here. Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin and Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann are the same person. Either that or they're robot clones. They're both family-values conservatives. They both have their eye on the White House. They're both completely ignorant broads who make George W. Bush look like a Rhodes Scholar.
And you know what that means: They've got all the morons in the middle of the country whipped into a frothy frenzy of delusion, ready to cram some bullshit policy down our coastal throats and get a dipshit residing at 1600 Pennsylvania once again.
1. Ann Coulter
I'll be blunt. Ann Coulter is the reason spousal abuse happens. She's the reason the C-word was invented. And if you're a Republican, she's the reason everyone hates you. Coulter is many things – lawyer, writer and political commentator. Unfortunately for her, she's also a joke.
Her argumentative, divisive, ignorant rhetoric has set political debate back years. She's called John Edwards a faggot, said Muslims shouldn't be allowed on airplanes, regrets Timothy McVeigh didn't go into the New York Times building, and has called Christians “perfected Jews,” among other things.
The maddening thing is she's too fucking stupid to see a problem with any of this. Coulter has been engaged three times, but never made it to the alter. Go fucking figure.