Best “Storage Wars” ever.

A storage unit belonging to Robert Dewey Hoskins, the crazy dude arrested for stalking both Madonna and Halle Berry (and recently re-arrested after escaping from a Norwalk mental hospital), was emptied out this week because he was so far behind on rent.

CBS LA reporters and curious LAPD detectives got a peek at the freakfest inside…

… the entirety of which was purchased by some poor guy named Jerry Licardi, who had no idea whose locker he was acquiring at the time. (Wait, so this really is “Storage Wars.”)

Here's what reporters, cops and our lucky bidder found inside:

10. Headless baby doll. “That, to say the least, bothered me because, is he focusing on something else now?” said private investigator Sergio Robleto, apparently just there for the show. “To me that meant real danger and certainly I think a psychologist would be better at evaluating that, but it didn't look good to me.”

9. Home video of an elementary-school play. Along with tons of other videos of kids doing random dorky shit, and one of a young woman reciting soap-opera dialogue. WTF. (Hoskins has “no known children,” says CBS LA reporter Randy Paige ominously.)

8. A shirtless photo of Hoskins. Made even creepier by the Madonna tattoo on his stomach, and a matching framed photo of Madonna in a similar pose.

7. Weird notebook full of psycho rants. Paige says they're “complete with misspellings,” which seems a little beside the point.

Credit: CBS LA

Credit: CBS LA

6. A butcher knife.

5. A few dozen other knives, of myriad blade shapes and handle colors. Probably even one for every blond baby doll in the pile. Cute!

4. Sad-clown mask. Or maybe Guy Fawkes mask, or maybe one of those happy-sad theater faces. Can't really tell. (See top left of photo.)

3. An H&M ad featuring Madonna. Like, why the H&M ad, of all hot Madonna photos? Made especially creepy by the crease lines from extensive crumpling and repeat viewing. [Update: Twitter genius @dudamelle points out that H&M stands for Hoskins&Madonna. It all makes so much sense now.]

2. Sumo wrestler baby doll. Having nothing to do with Madonna, but everything to do with creepy.

1. Barbie backpack. Is nothing sacred?

One thing that rummagers didn't seem to find: Halle Berry memorabilia. Guess Hoskins had a favorite.

[@simone_electra / / @LAWeeklyNews]

LA Weekly