Will Jones
Many people enter relationships believing that love should improve their lives. But ironically, the opposite happens. Be it difficulty during sex, a lack of pleasure between you and your partner, or being confused about loving each other romantically, we all can relate to the many complications of love. For instance, whenever a conflict, disconnection, or confusion appears, we assume something is wrong with the relationship or with ourselves. However, Love is Simple, but We Are Not: The Pathway Through the Human Complexities of Sex and Love by Andrew Aaron, LICSW, challenges this belief. With honesty and compassion, the book argues that love does not fail because it is fragile. It seems challenging because individuals carry their entire emotional history into the situation.
Andrew Aaron’s work is grounded in more than three decades of clinical experience with couples and individuals. During his career as a clinical sex therapist and marriage counselor, he has seen how often people want closeness but fear vulnerability. They crave connection while protecting themselves from pain. This book speaks directly to that tension and helps readers understand that many relationship struggles are not signs of incompatibility. Instead, they are signs of emotional limits that can be explored and expanded.
The book’s strength lies in its accessibility and rich context. The chapters are brief and focused, making it easy for readers to engage with one topic at a time. Each section invites reflection rather than compliance, as Aaron does not tell readers how to behave. His reflective tone and expertise assist readers in understanding their own behaviors and emotional limitations. This method acknowledges the complexity of human emotions and the uniqueness of each relationship.
Sexual and romantic challenges are also addressed with care and clarity. Aaron explains how emotional blocks often develop subtly and become normalized over time, and how they can affect desire, intimacy, and satisfaction. By naming them, the book offers relief and allows readers to see that their struggles are understandable and shared by many others.
Another important aspect of the book is its emphasis on personal responsibility without blame. For instance, growth in love requires self-awareness and courage, not self-criticism. Therefore, Aaron encourages readers to deepen their capacity for love by becoming more honest with themselves about their fears, needs, and expectations about love and sex. This message is especially relevant for those who have repeatedly tried to fix relationships and felt discouraged when their efforts fell short.
Love is Simple, but We Are Not is not about finding the right partner. It is about becoming a more emotionally available person to the one you are with and love the most. That shift in focus makes the book valuable not only for couples but also for anyone interested in understanding intimacy more clearly. If you are struggling in your relationship, whether sexually or romantically, this book can save you from drowning.
As you reflect on your intimate relationship, some of you may suffer from how anxiety affects your sexual connection specifically. Andrew Aaron explores this in greater depth in his second book, When Soft is Hard: Escaping the Cycle of Sexual Performance Anxiety, which offers practical insight for men and their female partners seeking to protect intimacy from the damage anxiety and unreliable arousal can cause.
Availability:
The book is available for purchase on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GQ2HSCB1/
About the Author:
Andrew Aaron, LICSW, graduated with a Masters degree in Social Work from Simmons College, Graduate School of Social Work in 1994. For more than 30 years he has helped hundreds of couples and individuals get beyond problems, feel better and love more fully. During his internships in 1992 and 1993, he began working with individuals and couples. Shortly after graduating, he took jobs in both Fall River and New Bedford Massachusetts working with a wide variety of people including the elderly, couples, adults and children.
For four years starting in 1997, he worked in a locked facility for teenage boys helping misdirected, often violent, male teens straighten out their lives’ paths. For two years, starting in 1999, Andrew received additional education and training in the sphere of human sexuality and love relationships. Also in 1999 he started his private practice in New Bedford, within the professional group mental health practice of Psychiatric and Psychological Associates. Currently, he actively helps couples and individuals in his private practice.
He has presented publicly, hosted a radio program, written several books, been on television, regularly been the focus of a podcast, written a column for the Standard Times Newspaper, been a contributor to articles in Cosmopolitan Magazine as well as numerous online media outlets and for fifteen years was a monthly columnist for SoCo magazine on the topics of sexuality, intimacy, passion and love relationships.