Have you ever been to a food event? I mean the grown-up kind? The ones where you've paid a couple hundred bucks to get in, and everyone kind of looks like your mom, and you're wandering around with a glass of chardonnay in your hand, wondering whether there was a secret bat-signal commanding all the chefs to work in the media of plantains, romesco sauce and shrimp? Because the Gold Standard, the event with my name in it, isn't really like that at all. It's put on by the Weekly, for one thing, the fine publication you have in your hand or on your screen this very second, which means you probably can find at least two or three girls in the crowd who look more like Skrillex than you do, and we promise, absolutely promise, that you will hear neither smooth jazz nor faux Iron Chef competitions nor ponytailed men hacking away at the blues. I chose the restaurants, all 40 of them, which means you can work your way through a big chunk of the fabled 99, and if you think something sucks (You won't think that!), you can blame me rather than some committee. If you agree with me that Los Angeles is the best place to eat on the planet, you'll find everything you like, from Salt's Cure to Jitlada; if you don't, you may change your mind. If you find the vast wine selection too overwhelming, you can walk into the museum and make out with your date by the Batmobile. It's a little more expensive than we'd hoped — sorry, man — but it's a ton cheaper than those grown-up soirees, and the proceeds go to Heal the Bay. So you're coming, right? If you see me, say hello. I'll be the dude in the purple burka. Petersen Automotive Museum, 6060 Wilshire Blvd.; Sun., March 4, 1-5 p.m.; $75; VIP noon-1 p.m., $95; no tickets sold at the door. Tickets at laweekly.com.

Sun., March 4, 1-5 p.m., 2012

LA Weekly