The overzealous kitchen tinkerers at J&D's who brought us Bacon Salt and whimsical bacon-flavored envelopes have taken their obsession one step further.
While you're not going to die of clogged arteries from any of their totally Kosher (though we can't vouch for the tacky factor) product line, when you do take that final breath — possibly from eating chemical-laden faux foods — they have that covered, too. Yes, pork lovers of the world, as of today, for just under $3,000, J&D's can send you off to your eternal sleep in a bacon coffin.
“Classy. Bacon. Coffin.” – J&D.
The casket, which meets all your standard burial needs, thankfully isn't edible. It's just painted with a bacon and pork motif. To us it looks a bit more like a camouflage pattern than streaky bits of cured goodness, but we doubt your loved ones will notice as they are weeping and throwing dirt over it.
As a thoughtful bonus, every purchase comes with a bacon-scented air freshener for those of you who opt for an open casket viewing.
If the idea of a bacon coffin actually appeals to you, we really hope your demise doesn't happen at a barbecue or in some sort of farm animal-related trampling accident. The irony would be too much.
Do make sure to check with your intended cemetery that these coffins meet their standards. The California Department of Consumer Affairs Cemetery and Funeral Bureau (nowhere near as fun a place to work as J&D's) reminds us, “Your casket purchase must meet the standards set by the cemetery and must take into consideration the size of the body. Retail casket sellers are not bound by the same laws or regulations that govern funeral establishments, crematories and cemeteries.” Never hurts to be prepared.
Assuming this is not an April Fools joke, we also would like to suggest a bacon-themed wake. We know just the caterer.