In case you haven't noticed, it's motherfucking freezing outside. Angelenos the city over are busting out their down parkas, their ski gear, their hovercrafts with insulation so that they have somewhere to stay until things outside get back to normal because this shit is fucked up.

In the meantime, one great way to stay warm is to get creative about your sexytimes. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

1.Get in the shower

There's no quicker and better way to warm up than to hop in the shower. The sudden hot, hot heat, the steam enveloping you, the warm fuzzy bathmat when you step out (ALWAYS HAVE A WARM FUZZY BATH MAT ON COLD DAYS). So maybe you go ahead and you invite someone to join you. Body heat and whatnot.

2. Call in sick and stay in bed

Let's be real, it's way too cold for you to go to work. you're sick just thinking about it. SICK. So call in, and stay under the covers with your lovah. That will warm you right up. Bust still don't go to work, because, why?

3. Ingest some hot chocolate

Not only is the coziness of a warm beverage enough to get your juices flowing, chocolate is an aphrodisiac. That means that when you drink it, coupled with the fact that the heat from the steamed milk literally gets your blood flowing, you'll feel more like doing the nasty. Maybe you put some Peppermint Schnapps in it. I don't know. I don't know what kind of time you have.

4. Experiment with leaving some articles of clothing on during sex

Honestly, there are some days when it's simply so cold that the thought of removing clothing for any reason at all — even for sex — is more than one can handle. So why not get real dirty and leave some of it on? Have a quickie, or role-play like you're co-workers in an office and you have to fuck real fast in a closet before anybody finds you and reports you to HR and you lose your jobs.

Or something.

Advertising disclosure: We may receive compensation for some of the links in our stories. Thank you for supporting LA Weekly and our advertisers.