You like cats. You like Christmas. You like sweaters. Put them together, however, and you have the unholiest of unholy unions. Here are 21 of the ugliest holiday cat sweaters available right now on Ebay. They ship promptly…from Hell.
1. Little White Angel Kitten…With Green Devil Eyes!
“Hand knit” says the seller. So ugly it comes back all the way around to cute. Almost.
2. Cat In Stocking With Hidden Creepiness
The eyes light up.
3. Angora Cats
Speaking of eyes…wait, where are their eyes???
4. Pile O'Snow Cats
Nothing more fun than a pile of cats buried in snow.
5. How Much Is That Kitty In The Window Sweater?
Ten bucks. Five for the front view, five for the back view.
6. Unisex Cats
“Could be worn by either man or woman,” says the seller. Yeah. That's not exactly a selling point where cat sweaters are concerned.
7. Cat, Bird, House, Tree
“Actually this sweater is really cute,” says the seller. Sounds like someone's been staring at the internet for too long.
8. Sad Kittens
Oh come on! This one's not even a Christmas sweater proper. It was marketed as such, however. Maybe that's why the kittens are sad. So sad.
9. Give the Gift of Cats
“The design is very bright and stands out in a crowd,” says the seller. Yes.
10. A Plethora of Cats
Know what's scary about this sweater? It costs $49.99. That's approximately $2 per cat.
11. Cats In Santa Hats
Why are the cats in Santa hats? Why are there so many hats? Why are the hats floating above the cats? Were there once other cats for the floating hats?
12. Megabling Cats Sweater
“The gold sequins are numerous, along with a generous helping of shiny beads,” says the seller. But $59.99? What's with the ugly cat sweater price inflation?
13. Candy Cane Skate Cat
“You are bidding on an adorable holiday sweater, perfect for wearing to the office, holiday parties – just about anywhere,” says the seller. Insert snarky comment here.
14. Cat Sweater-Wearer's Anonymous
So bad he had to wear a mask.
15. Neon Cat Craptrappery
In the seller's words: “What a masterful piece of craptappery, a five paragraph persuasive essay this sweater does not need to write! Check out all the beautiful madness…blinding to the eyes.” Correct.
16. Cats In Your Bosoms
We're in ur sweaterz, peepin thru ur bosoms.
17. Cat Sweater Vest
Are those shadows…or blood?
18. 3D Ice “Staking” Cat Sweater
Frankly, the three dimensional nature of this sweater is disturbing. It's described as an ice “staking” cat sweater, “for men.” Riiiight.
19. Sour Puss Takes A Holiday
This cat looks angry. It hates its stocking. It hates Christmas. It hates snow, and the color white, and presents, and gift receipts, and mistletoe. It hates that red ribbon dangling over its head. It hates boughs of holly. It hates buttons. It hates you. It hates me. It hates Ebay. It hates this blog post. Most of all, it hates sweaters. Oh, how it hates sweaters. Grrr!
20. Dramatic Cat…Sweater
Cats in sweaters are closer than they appear.
21. Severed Mouse Head Cat Sweater
Okay, the three dimensional nature of THIS sweater is frankly disturbing.