A continuation of yesterday's initial collection of pussy ditties, here's the top 10 best odes to the vagina — many of which managed to make their way onto the airwaves unscathed.
10. Sex On Fire – Kings Of Leon
This was a turn-on the first 20 or so times we heard it, but it burned out quick thanks to incessant radio play. According to writer/singer Caleb Folowill, the international mega-hit was not about slutty girls and STDs as was rumored — it was simply an ode to hot humpin.' With “you” and “your” repeated throughout the choruses, it's clearly directed to the sexy part of one lady in particular, but Folowill claims he was so doped up on painkillers when he wrote it, he's not really sure whose.
9. Special Secret Song Inside (aka Party On Your Pussy) – Red Hot Chili Peppers
The Chili Peppers were horny hooligans before they got all contemplative and radio friendly in the 90's (their claim to fame was donning socks on their cocks, after all). This audacious anthem is probably the best example of Anthony Kiedis, Flea & Co.'s precociousness, even with the referential faux title, they were forced to add. EMI actually refused to release the band's Uplift Mofo Party Plan unless the title was changed. At least the lyrics, which don't say much other than P words, were not changed.
8. She Bop – Cyndi Lauper
If everyone thought Miss Lauper was a tamer alternative to Madonna in the 80's, this little ditty dispelled that notion real quick. This bouncey boffer was more suggestive than anything the material girl had done at the time, a playful ode to female masturbation that proved Cyndi really did know how to have fun.
7. My Puss – Margaret Cho
A comedic take on the classic hip-hop answer/diss track, Cho's celebration of her “clam/cookie” was inspired by Mickey Avalon's cocky crowd pleaser, “My Dick.” Off the comedian's Grammy-winning Cho Dependent album, this brilliant li'l bumper — rapped to the same beats — measures up to the original and then some.
6. Lick it – 20 Fingers feat. Roula
From the same dirty dance duo that brought us the size queen masterpiece “Short Dick Man,” this juicy jammer features a different but equally demanding diva on vocals (Rhoula) and an extremely catchy choral call to oral.
5. Diddle My Skittle- Peaches
There is no way a list about crotch songs would be complete without some Peaches; her name is after all a vag reference in itself. Miss thing's got lots o' songs about sex of course, but after combing through her lascivious lyrics, we decided this little diddle ditty off her debut takes the rainbow, both for its tarty title lyric and the rest of the chorus. It's actually sort of an intro cut to the naughty artist herself too: “There's only one peach with the hole in the middle.”
4. Hey, We Want Some Pussy!- 2 Live Crew
Today's hip-hop stars got no prob spitting out raunchy rhymes or sucking on champagne soaked G-Strings in their videos, but they might not be getting play –and we mean that both ways– if not for the OGs (obscene ground-breakers) known as 2 Live Crew. The biggest hit off their widely banned record, As Nasty As They Wanna Be, was, of course, “Me So Horny” (“Me Love You Long Time!”). Still, this festive rant and chant about desiring what's in da ladiez pants was always the big singalong track when they played live. With a reunion tour currently in the works, it's sure to be the centerpiece track.
3. How Many Licks- Li'l Kim
Before Peaches (and Nicki Minaj) there was Li'l Kim. The pint-sized rapper is dirrrty, no doubt, but there was always been something fierce and even sort of feminist about her come-ons. Kimmy's in control especially on this cut, comparing her coochie to a Tootsie Pop. “Licks” is considered to be her bawdiest and her best, thanks to its filthy flows and crunchy chorus (sung by “Thong Song”s Sisqo).
2. Sugar Walls- Sheena Easton
Ask a sample of 10 random music fans (over say, 25 years old) to think of a song about vajayjay — we did– and this is the track that comes up the most. Written by the incomparable Prince, it was par for the provocative course for him at the time. What made it shocking was who he got to sing it: the chaste seeming Sheena Easton, who's prior hit was about her man taking the morning train. Nobody writes erotic euphemisms like Prince (Cream, Soft & Wet, Little Red Corvette) and this one was not only one of his hookiest, it was one of his hottest.
1. Vagina- Pig Vomit
We're here. Our numero uno ode du nook! The creme de la creamers! The sauciest snatch sing-a-long! This number may not be as famous as anything else on the list but it earned the top spot for a few different reasons. 1) It truly is a celebration of the female anatomy in all its various forms. 2) It's funny as hell. 3) It's super catchy (dare ya to let it get stuck in your head after listening) 4) It's the source of its very own internet controversy that has nothing to do with the subject matter. The artists who wrote and perform this Cowboy-croonerish classic have been misidentified all over the web for years. Search “Vagina Song” and you'll see everyone The Bloodhound Gang to Weird Al to Tom Green to Voltaire to Richard Cheese credited (or you'll get our #18 track by Willam Belli).
The most-viewed Youtube clip (over 600, 000 hits) lists Bloodhound, so even though a follow-up video explaining the song's origin popped up a few years ago, the mistaken IDs continue… The group Pig Vomit debuted this remarkable homage to hairy/scary/big/small female private parts ironically (or not) on The Howard Stern Show in the 90's, and its's been a classic ever since… Click the links above for the majestic lyrics and the full story behind the song.