Now that Michael Phelps finally crushed the 400-meter this past weekend, how about those Olympic swimsuits? You know, those controversial Speedo LZR Racer bodysuits that look like a pair of Spanx pantyhose mated with a scuba suit. The ones that caused tons of world records to be broken?

People got their panties in a twist over them when they came out this February, saying that they amounted to “drugs on a hanger” or “technological doping.” And then again this May, when rival company TYR Sport filed federal suit (ugh, bad pun) alleging that Speedo violated antitrust laws by conspiring with the United States swim team to push the benefits of the suit.

Technologically, the $550 LZR Racers make you more bouyant, reduce drag by 2% (according to some tests), are water resistant, chlorine resistant, were designed partly by NASA scientists, have no stitching, only bonded seams. Plus, they're super-tight and squeeze you like a sausage casing.

Aesthetically, I'm opposed to swimmers wearing a full-body condom. Why? Because there are few pleasures in life that come close to ogling Olympic athletes in micro-mini bathing suits. Let's not let petty things like, oh, setting world records get in the way of that.

And then, there's this, from the China International Fashion Week last March. You wanna talk about drugs on a hanger?

Well, hello, Bai Ling! Is that you?

-Gendy Alimurung

(Photos courtesy of Speedo and Ahboon)

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