Cadbury Egg:

It's a good thing Cadbury only releases their signature Easter candy for a few months each year. Eating an entire Cadbury Creme Egg is the confectionary equivalent of shotgunning a Monte Cristo sandwich — if it were made with foie gras instead of ham.

Halfway through the gooey granular “yolk” — our tongue sticky and our throat dry — we feel the first sickening wave of sugar-overload. Finishing the egg is an exercise in willpower or self-punishment (though still not as bad as sitting through all of Sucker Punch.) Either way, there's nothing sweet about this slog. In recent years, Cadbury has, thanks to advances in genetic science, bio-engineered their proprietary chocolate-laying bunnies to produce mini-Creme Eggs. God bless science!

The opposite of those colossal cottontails roaming ancient Minorca, these baby bunnies lay a petite product that perfects the Creme Egg's chocolate-to-filling ratio. Like Kobayashi Solomonizing hot dogs, we can pop half-a-dozen of these suckers without batting an eyelash. It doesn't hurt that they're sold in irresistible 12-packs. The cruel irony is that we end up eating more candy than if we'd just bought a single, standard-size egg. Easter, truly a time to mortify the flesh.

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