Early afternoon alcohol consumption in direct sunlight, followed by a Ziploc bag full of assorted pills, can lead to a totally awesome “Wooo!” inducing time–in your head. It can also lead to a painful trip to the Porta-Potties and some creative commentary.
Walking about the massive layout of The Big 4, we passed through a number of memorable things–pizza stands, multiple crochet halter-top vendors–but our favorite was the plethora of sub-par musings.
Because we love all of you, we are sharing some of our favorites from the collection. Hear some amazing comments yourself? Please, don't be greedy, share!
Opportunity to keep your mouth shut 1: Between LA Weekly and a bogus vendor at entrance
Self-proclaimed vendor: Hey, wanna buy my extra all access pass?
LA Weekly: Why would a vendor have all access? And why does your shirt say “VENDOR” in a totally different font than every other vendor?
SPV: Look, I'll sell it to you for cheaper than what you'll pay for a ticket into the show!
LA Weekly: But we already paid, that's why we're here.
SPV: Ok, so do you need to run to the ATM?
LA Weekly: We never had agreement of purchase, why are you drafting up the contracts?
Opportunity to keep your mouth shut 2: Between a event staff and woman getting her purse searched at main entrance
Event Staff: I'm sorry, no food allowed from outside.
Woman: This isn't food! This is just an orange! Gah!
ES: Alright, I'm sorry but you can't have this bag of pills either.
Woman: Those are prescription!
ES: Then they need to be in the original packaging, not a plastic baggie.
Opportunity to keep your mouth shut 3: Teenage girl vigorously rubbing her hands on her face
What! I'm just sniffing hand sanitizer, okay!?
Opportunity to keep your mouth shut 4: Man near the merch
Dude! So that's when I just flew forward into some guy's nuts!
Opportunity to keep your mouth shut 5: Woman in VIP
Ugh, I hate those yoga, organic people! I just want to slap them and scream, “You are lying to yourself! You want a cheeseburger! You want to go to the strip club and do a bunch of drugs!”