Dear Dr. Ava: Foreplay isn't my hubby's forte…what basics can I suggest to him without making him feel like he's been doing something wrong?
Your hubby may just be confused by what foreplay is because no one sat us down in life and explained it: What constitutes foreplay? It is controversial because there are conflicting schools of thought: 1) Foreplay is sexual play pre-intercourse, 2) Foreplay is not a separate stage, and it is sex. Meaning the two are inseparable.
Foreplay can be a nuisance for those who want to just get to business and reach their goal. Having to work your partner into a sexual frenzy can be time-consuming and hard work. You and your partner get to identify what qualifies as foreplay. It can start when you wipe sauce off his lips or when your hands reach for her blouse button.
Here is my definition of Traditional vs. Millennium Foreplay. Traditional Foreplay = Petting, a step beyond hugging and kissing and yet not as far as sexual intercourse. Millennium Foreplay = So much more including, kissing, erotic talk, erotic massage, oral sex, mutual masturbation, sharing sexual fantasies and everything that leads up to sexual positions with penetration. You need to decide what foreplay basics to suggest to him by telling him what turns you on and asking him to share what turns him on. When he does something that feels good, praise him for it in graphic detail and he'll be doing a lot more of the kind of foreplay that you want.
Dr. Ava is founder of Loveology University.
Image: Tina Phillips.