In an ongoing effort to make the world's residents forget how to accomplish even the most basic tasks, America’s technology sector has decided that normal humans can’t possibly cook for themselves without the use of Google Glass and a fuckload of apps. Or at least one app: LiveLens, which recently launched within the
unwieldy asshole identifier popular wearable tech’s native ecosystem (ugh), allowing users to follow along in real time as people with culinary experience hammer home to the rest of us how inept we are.
The idea is actually rather simple: When recipes (a k a the written word) feel too daunting, today’s tech-savvy culinary disrupter can hop on to LiveLens to follow along as chefs whip up seemingly impossible dishes in real time, their progress inelegantly shot from a shaky eyebrow level position. No need to learn or hone skills or spend time talking to people who know what they're talking about.
And, in true first world style, intrepid users can even choose to make their own livestreams via Google Glass, send them out into the socialsphere (ugh) and monetize the hell out of them. It’s a tried and true formula: Have money already + use that money to buy expensive things + monetize = straight cash, homie.
A random survey of absolutely no one found that approximately one million percent of people over 30 who have spent any part of their lives working in kitchens believe this product to be off-putting and of little use, while everyone under 30 is already doomed, so who cares. Poor people could not be reached for comment either, mostly because they were too busy making real meals for their families, in home kitchens and using techniques they've learned in person, without the aid of a $1,500 wearable video device.
So far, the Venn Diagram overlap point between people who buy Google Glass and people who actually cook their own food (instead of going full Soylent) seems perilously thin. But one thing that’s abundantly obvious: The world is ending, because no one knows how to do anything on their own anymore. But we can watch our own demise in full HD while sitting on our couch if want — as long as we pay for it.