We're currently in the throes of Shark Week, the annual oceanic nightmare helmed by the Discovery Channel. The popular programming features non-stop shark action, with documentaries, hyper-stylized action flicks, robots that follow a 17-foot great white shark around and a late night talk show devoted to all things king of the sea. What a week.

Thankfully, sharks can't walk on land — yet. Until then, we humans still have the upper fin, as it were, which means we can choose to celebrate Shark Week any damn way we please. So what's better than sitting in a pair of basketball shorts, binge-watching the nature series while your dog licks stale potato chip dust off your fingers? Not much, to be honest. But these Shark Week-inspired events are a great second option.

Cold Stone Shark Creations

If you're more of a sweets person, Cold Stone will be doling out signature Shark Week creations all week long. It makes sense, really, given Cold Stone's partnership with the Discovery Channel, but you shouldn't let their corporate dealings get in the way of tasty desserts. The Frenzy custom ice cream creation features a blue-tinted sweet cream ice cream with a heavy dusting of graham cracker pie crust, and the coup de grace: flavored gummy sharks on top. It's a churning swirl of sugar overload, only outdone by the their This Cake Bites cake, which pulls in devil's food cake, the same blue sweet cream ice cream, Oreo cookie crumbles and an outer later of blue frosting to recreate the surface of the sea. On top? You guessed it: more gummy sharks.

Tacos and Cocktails at Cinco

Cinco is Playa del Rey's relatively new taco and beer joint, a spacious place with a rotating dinner menu of Oaxacan-inspired dishes and lots of South Bay suds on tap. For Shark Week, the Cinco team is heading to the Mexican shoreline to offer Mahi Mahi and shrimp tacos to hungry diners. While it seems a bit misguided to pick on shrimp when the true ocean bully is out there getting all the TV fame, at least Cinco is pairing two tacos with a Tiki Tiburon rum and pineapple cocktail for $15.

If you're really itching to gustatorily stick one to sharks everywhere, it's not going to be easy. Not many fish markets sell the stuff (even Mako can be hard to find), and California banned the sale of shark fins earlier this summer.

Your best bet is to call the whole thing a wash and grab some shrimp tacos from Mariscos Jalisco or Ricky's Fish Tacos. But if you're really craving shark fin soup as a way to celebrate Discovery's Shark Week, you can grab a bowl of the gelatinous fake stuff at Ocean Star Seafood Restaurant in Monterey Park.

Just don't go wading out into the ocean looking for a fight. Your fists are small, and their teeth are very, very big.

See also:

10 Best Seafood Tacos in Los Angeles

Ricky's Fish Tacos: 99 Essential Restaurants 2013

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LA Weekly