President George W. Bush has big plans for two Republicans who earned their stripes impeaching former President Bill Clinton. One of them is associate White House counsel Brett Kavanaugh, who authored the portion of the “Starr Report” affirming the legality of the impeachment. He also helped prosecutor Kenneth Starr force White House lawyers to hand over notes of conversations with Hillary Clinton as he probed Vincent Foster’s suicide. His new job would be judge on the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia, according to a report in the New York journal Forward.

The position of U.S. attorney in Oregon would go to Karin Immergut. She questioned former intern Monica Lewinsky under oath about her blue dress as well as other private details about her canoodling with Bill. Bush has already secured judgeships for two other former members of the independent prosecutor’s office, John Bates and Amy St. Eve.

What it means, unfortunately, is that this crack team won’t be available to determine whether W. knowingly lied when he claimed Saddam Hussein’s Iraq tried to buy uranium from Niger. But then, the genetic blueprint of semen on a blue dress is clearly a national crisis. Who really cares about a palpable deception that was a primary justification for a war that has cost billions of dollars and thousands of lives?

Slaves to Security: Last week, the Great White Compassionate Conservative journeyed to Senegal’s Goree Island, where he toured the island’s famous slave-trading station, from which chained Africans were shipped off into American bondage. Bush said most of the right things about past evils, while also causing a ruckus worthy of an old-time plantation master. Reuters reported that residents were taken to a football stadium on the other side of the island. They had to stay there until Bush’s speech and tour were finished. “We were shut up like sheep,” complained one island resident.

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