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Meet someone at the bar and first three questions are bound to include — “what do you do?”  Let's take our imaginations a step further and rephrase – “what do you do IN BED?”

A compilation of professionals who might capture your carnal fancy.


1.) Tailor and/or Tuxedo Shop Rental Clerk

Measuring busts and inseams all day.  Enough said.

 2.) Chef

“Full belly, empty balls — happy man.” (Ancient Chinese proverb.) We mammals have two basic instincts — food and sex. Pants off to the ones who help satisfy our primal animal urges. Nom.


3.) Tattoo Artist

Individuality, permanence. Pain and flesh. M'm..

4.) Delivery Girl (Total paradox?)

When was the last time you had a hot chickadee deliver food/packages to your stoop? More oft than not, it's a foreign man in his fifties! Hey, entrepreneurs — please get on this. Think yummy.com, but with Doris Day and Hooters — an all female delivery group.

(caption) “Hello? Three packs of magnum condoms and a fruit basket to Fairfax and Fountain.”

5.) Terms of Service “TOS” Department

Do social networks hire people to scan for nudity and/or offensive content? Is this a job? Please say it's a job. The obvious “1-HR Photo Developer” would be mentioned here, though moot since 35mm film went the way of the dodo.