Would my patron Saint Genet get married? I seriously doubt he’d hightail it to Gananoque with one of the giant Palestinian or Black Panther penii he was prone to imbibe back in the 1960s. Of course, it didn’t matter that he feigned support of their causes. Genet was a legendary hornpig and would support any political agenda that promised him the occasional slap-happy mercy bone from a formidable Arab or black buck. If Jean Genet were alive today, the only marrying in Canada he’d partake in would be to betroth himself to Montreal’s Taboo, the infamous male strip joint that has a conveniently adjacent sex motel. I’m sure he’d set himself up as the resident house queen. Count me in, since those poor young Québecois boys will let you do anything to them for a mere tuppance in a bucket.

I was talking to my good friend the Canadian auteur Bruce La Bruce, and he agreed with me that marriage is the ultimate bougie conceit. He also relayed that the openly gay member of Toronto’s city council, Kyle Rae, was on TV bragging that there were more than 125 gay marriages performed in Toronto in the last two weeks (since the Court of Appeal ruling), and that there is a campaign to encourage more during the city’s summer gay-pride season. Lord love a duck! Rae also blathered ad nauseam about same-sexers in committed relationships dying with people mistakenly thinking that they were all alone. Oh, the shame! That’s the conformist, competitive sheeplike mentality of gay culture, always worrying about appearances and what people think.

To want to be married seems so ridiculous I can’t even keep a straight face thinking about it. Of course, my views are unorthodox, to say the least. I don’t even believe in coupledom. I lost a job housesitting when I flippantly told a brittle gay pair that their relationship was male lesbian domesticity. I guess I’ve never been willing to give up my individuality and conform to societal pressure to snooky ookum. The subversive queer Toronto folk band the Hidden Cameras has a song called “Ban Marriage,” and I echo those sentiments. Instead of gay marriage, wouldn’t it be a hoot to legalize gays’ adopting each other?

Advertising disclosure: We may receive compensation for some of the links in our stories. Thank you for supporting LA Weekly and our advertisers.