Old-School Sure-Fire Tear-Inducing Karaoke Playlist

Smokey Robinson and the Miracles
“Ooo, Baby, Baby”
“Choosey Beggar”
“The Love I Saw in You Was Just a Mirage”

The Four Tops
“Bernadette”
“Ask the Lonely”
“Baby, I Need Your Loving”

Eddie Holman
“Hey There Lonely Girl”
The Temptations
“My Girl”
“Since I Lost My Baby”
“You’re My Everything”

Martha and the Vandellas
“Love Makes Me Do Things So Foolish”

Marvin Gaye
“Sexual Healing”

Luther Vandross
“Here and Now”

Teddy Pendergrass
“Close the Door”
“Turn Out the Lights”

The Stylistics
“You Are Everything”
“You Make Me Feel Brand New”
“Break Up To Make Up”

Kenny Rogers
“Lady”
“You Decorated My Life”

Barry White
“I’ve Got So Much Time To Give”

The Delfonics
“La, La, Means I Love You”
“Break Your Promise”
“Didn’t I Blow Your Mind”

Lionel Richie
“Three Times a Lady”
The Righteous Brothers
“You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling”

Chairman of the Board
“Give Me Just a Little More Time”

—Lovell Estell III

Replies to Questions Posed in the Songs of My
Youth

Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me?1
My advice, which is really my mother’s advice, is to just be yourself.

Don’t they know they’re so damn lame?2
Most assuredly.

Does your mother know that you’re out?3
Frankly, I don’t see how this is your concern.

Was it me she was foolin’ ’cause she knew what she was doin’ when she
told me how to walk this way?4
While I’ll allow that “walk this way” is a compelling metaphor for sexual congress
between consenting adults, the question suggests unexpected expertise from someone
much younger than yourself, which is another way of saying that elf-chick daughter
of yours is super hot.

Do you really want to hurt me?5
Everyone wants to hurt Boy George.

If, when, why, what? How much have you got?6
$3.25, and I need it for a smoothie.

Do you wanna get down?7
I thought you’d never ask. Beep beep, baby, beep beep.

Should I stay or should I go?8
The quintessential question and, sadly, one that’s already been answered.

—Jim Ruland

1 Animotion; 2 Circle Jerks; 3 Abba; 4 Aerosmith; 5 Culture Club;
6 Pet Shop Boys; 7 Donna Summer; 8 The Clash

10 Tragically Short-Lived Hollywood Nightclubs
of 2005
1. Sloth
2. Stavros’s Cafe
3. Whorebar
4. Guernica
5. Labia
6. 909
7. Masterson
8. STD
9. Stall
10. Amanda Scheer Demme’s Half-Finished Bottle of Grey Goose at the Roosevelt
Hotel

—Mark Lisanti and Seth Abramovitch, editors,
Defamer.com

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