Ben WesthoffSee also:
*Top Five Rappers (Including Drake) In Absolutely Ridiculous Sweaters
*Fuck Guilty Pleasures: Drake Is An Incredible Lyricist
Lil Wayne's magnum crapus Tha Carter IV came out yesterday; first up in our Weezy coverage was Daniel Kohn's really funny piece about his brother's strange encounter getting high with the diminuitive rapper back in New Orleans.
In any case, the album is wildly uneven. It features some excellent production and great guest turns from folks like Tech N9ne, Rick Ross, Bun B and others. What ruins the album, however, is Wayne himself, who offers up an all-you-care-to-eat smorgasbord of bad puns, sorry similes and unreasonable metaphors. Here are his sixty worst lines from the album.
60. “All about my riches/ My name should be Richard” (From “Blunt Blowin”)
59. “Swagger down pat/ Call my shit Patricia” (From “6 Foot 7 Foot”)
58. “All I had to do was put two and two together/ But that just makes four, but not 'four-ever'” (From “How To Hate”)
57. “Don't call me 'sir'/ Call me 'sir-vivor'” (From: “Nightmares Of The Bottom”)
56. “Some people hang you out to dry/ Like a towel rack” (From “She Will”)
55. “I put up a wall/ And they just wallpaper” (From “Blunt Blowin”)
54. “Weezy F. Baby/ And the 'F' ain't for fear” (From: “Nightmares Of The Bottom”)
53. “You don't want to start Weezy/ Cause the 'F' is for finisher” (From “6 Foot 7 Foot”)
52. “Weezy F./ For 'Fuck you'” (From “How To Hate”)
51. “The 'F' is for 'Fuck yourself'” (From: “Nightmares Of The Bottom”)
50.”I put it down like my hand's hurtin'” (From “Blunt Blowin”)
49. “The weed too loud/ Turn up the volume” (From “I Like The View)
48. “The weed loud/ Like a lion's roar” (From “Intro”)
47. “You know that money talk/ I am the ventriloquist” (From “Megaman”)
46. “Married to the money/ A true love story” (From: “Nightmares Of The Bottom”)
45. “If time is money/ I'm an hour past paid” (From “Blunt Blowin”)
44. “I get money to kill time/ Dead clocks” (From “John”)
43. “I don't need a watch/The time is now or never” (From “Intro”)
42. “Times have changed/ Well fuck it get a new watch” (From “Blunt Blowin”)
41. “I tried to pay attention/ But attention paid me” (From “She Will”)
40.”How you niggas want to have it your way/ Burger King?” (From “Megaman”)
39. “I'm trying to walk a straight line/ But the line crooked” (From “Abortion”)
38. “I just touched down/ Kicked a motherfucking field goal” (From “It's Good”)
37. “I'm all about 'I'/ Give the rest of the vowels back” (From “She Will”)
36. “You faker than some titties/You get titty-fucked” (From “Intro”)
35. “Eat her 'til she cry/ Call that wine and dine” (From “She Will”)
34. “Just sit on my grill/ That's that tailgate for ya” (From “So Special”)
33. “I make her come first/ Then I follow the leader” (From “So Special”)
32. “Been fuckin the world/ And nigga I ain't come yet” (From “John”)
31. “I tried to fuck the world/ And couldn't even get aroused” (From “President Carter”)
30. “You can sit right on my middle finger for the night” (From “How To Hate”)
29. “I get deep in that pussy/ Dig her out, surgery” (From “Megaman”)
28. “I already know that life is deep/ But I still dig her” (From “She Will”)
27. “When the shit get deep/ I'm never afraid to dive” (From “President Carter”)
26. “I talk shit, I hope it matters/ We climax, without the ladder” (From “So Special”)
25. “If real shit is dead/ Then nigga I'm a bastard” (From “President Carter”)
24. “Bullshit for lunch/ Brown bag nigga” (From “President Carter”)
23.”You don't need a bus pass/ You need to bust your ass” (From “Blunt Blowin”)
22. “Tools on deck/ Home Depot nigga” (From “Megaman”)
21. “Tote tools like mechanics/ Mechanisms” (From “President Carter”)
20. “I'm beneficial/ I've been official” (From “President Carter”)
19. “Boy I'm going in/ Like my water broke.” (From “Intro”)
18. “I've been at the top for a while/ And I ain't jumped yet” (From “She Will”)
17. “I'm 100/ Like a fastball” (From “Megaman”)
16. “I say you rappers sweet/ I pay the incidentals” (From “President Carter”)
15. “I'm shooting for the stars/ Astronauts dodge bullets” (From “Abortion”)
14. “Reality's a bitch/ And I'ma dance with her” (From “President Carter”)
13. “If life is a bitch/ Then mine a gold digger” (From “Megaman”)
12. “All my bitches nasty like a cold dinner” (From “Megaman”)
11. “Two bitches at the same time/ Synchronized swimmers” (From “6 Foot 7 Foot”)
10. “Nothing standing in my way/ Like nothing's my security” (From: “Nightmares Of The Bottom”)
9. “Mind so sharp I fuck around and cut my head off” (From “6 Foot 7 Foot”)
8. “I got through that sentence like a subject and a predicate” (From “6 Foot 7 Foot”)
7. “I keep some bud/ like Rudy Huxtable” (From “Intro”)
6. “Boy I send them bloods at your ass/ Like a tampon” (From “Megaman”)
5. “I woke up this morning, dick rock hard/ Ashed my blunt in my Grammy award” (From “Abortion”)
4. “We jack son then light up that 'L'/ Samuel” (From “Megaman”)
3. “Real G's move in silence like lasagna.” (From “6 Foot 7 Foot”)
2. “All hail Weezy/ Call it bad weather” (From “Blunt Blowin”)
1. “Don't fuck up with Wayne/ 'Cause when it Waynes it pours.” (From “How To Hate”)
Ben Westhoff is the author of Dirty South: OutKast, Lil Wayne, Soulja Boy, and the Southern Rappers Who Reinvented Hip-Hop.
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