Ha! You thought it was going to be Lohan. No, too easy. We know “Fire Crotch” is a hottie, but we're all a little Lohan'd out. So we thought we'd surprise you for the holidays.

So unwrap this:

Behold, a much younger Meg Whitman back in the day. She was a No. 1 hottie for real. What we wouldn't do to young Meg Whitman. Things like …

-Teach her to love and respect “the help” in the future. Who knows, a campaign for governor of California just might depend on it someday.

-Tell her to vote, goddamnit! If you don't, this will embarrass you in the future, young lady.

-Raise your children better. Really. They scare us.

-Don't invest too much in the word “whore” (trust us on this one).

-Don't run for office, because it'll cost you dearly. (You're gonna lose and, while you might not be able to fathom it, the amount you're going to lose is $140 million. The good news is that it will only be a fraction of your worth).

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