Drew TewksburySnoop Dogg wants you to get blasted. The rapper's new caffeine-laced alcoholic beverage, Blast, has gotten some people, well, shaken up. The drink hits store shelves on April 5th and will be dispensed by Colt 45, who is owned by Pabst Brewing company. With the absence of the classic, caffeinated Four Loko from certain stores, will Mr. Dogg's new drink fill that niche of alcoholic beverages that make you break into old ladies' houses while naked, scaring her shih tzus and taking a shit (zu?) in their living rooms?
Perhaps. The drink has a 12% alcohol content and comes in every flavor of the Skittles rainbow. Critics say that the drink will attract younger drinkers, but it seems that critics have nothing wrong with gin and/or juice, both of which Snoop promotes heavily.
But of course, Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dog (as former Wyoming Senator Alan Simpson calls him) is not the first rapper to get into the energy drink market. Here are five other hip-hop energy drinks.
5. Crunk!!!
Sponsor: Lil Jon
Pitch: “It started as a word. A term that describes letting go of your senses and giving into the moment. And, oh yes, the music. The beats and the hooks that call you to move. The music that was born down South in the A town and went on to move the entire nation. “Crunk” is bold pride, ridiculous parties and endless energy. It seemed like the perfect name for an energy drink.”
Still available: Yes.
Will it make you shit on a sweet old lady's living room floor? No.
4. DefCon3
Sponsor: Russell Simmons
The Pitch: “What sets DEFCON3 apart from the rest? What makes it Unique? DEFCON3 will be positioned as a Lifestyle Drink, one which reflects the diversity, cutting-edge, trend-setting Urban Community. DEFCON3 will embrace the community and hip-hop lifestyle in which other energy drinks fail to identify with and have not created a loyal consumer of. DEFCON3 will be uniquely identified with and supported by the heritage and culture of the Godfather of Hip-Hop, Russell Simmons.”
Still available: “I dont remember squat about this drink, I only saw it in the store once,” according to the esteemed 40Ouncebeer.com
Will it make you shit on a sweet old lady's living room floor? No
3. Guru Energy Drink
Sponsor: Kayne West
The Pitch: “I express myself through music, fashion, art, and design, and that's why I am excited to collaborate with Guru; because the brand values what I value, and I can put what inspires me into this new product.” (Yaaaaawn.)
Still Available: Yes
Will it make you shit on a sweet old lady's living room floor? No
2. Tupac Energy Drink
Sponsor: Hunid Racks
The Pitch: “Are you frequently fatigued? Do you lack the energy to assault major American film directors over the role of O-Dog? Do you find yourself drinking beverages, one part Alize, one part Cristal, and one part Suge Knight tear drop, while wondering why your particular brand of thug lacks passion? Well, with the one sip of Hunid Racks', 2Pac Energy Drink, you'll be ready to smite all rotund rivals, pen rose poems of dubious merit, shoot yourself during robberies and keep hos in check (while clowning around with the Underground.)” [Pitch penned by the ever-talented Jeff Weiss]
Still Available? Hopefully not. Tupac would not approve, right?
Will it make you shit on a sweet old lady's floor? No
1. Pimp Juice
Sponsor: Nelly
Health Warning: Not recommended for children, pregnant or lactating women, or caffeine sensitive persons. Maximum 2 servings per day.
Still Available? Apparently…. in Australia
Will it make you shit on a sweet old lady's living room floor? Yes.
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