The Royal Wedding is here! The Royal Wedding is here!

Well, not quite. April 29 is the big day, as you're well aware. But the next best thing is here: The complete schedule of the Royal Wedding, down to the last rose petal and glance between the good Prince William and his muggle of a blushing bride.

Here's the official timetable, via the Associated Press and Hello Magazine — a strict regimen for royal love in the modern age.

Tune into the following shows/channels on April 29:

“Today” will air wedding celebrations from 1 a.m. to 7 a.m. PDT.

“Dateline” will air an insta-doc on the wedding from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. PDT.

MSNBC will cover the wedding from 12 a.m. PDT to the end.

E! News will have Giuliana Rancic reporting live from 1 a.m. to 6 a.m. PDT.

For a full schedule of before-and-after wedding coverage, check the Hollywood Reporter.

8:30 a.m. (12:30 a.m. PDT)

A total of 1,900 non-royal guests show up to Westminster Abbey. But PSYCH — the Royal Wedding doesn't start for two-and-a-half more hours!

10:40 a.m. – 10:50 a.m. (2:40 a.m. – 2:50 a.m. PDT)

The royals finally arrive (because royals don't sit around waiting for Royal Weddings to start), last of whom will be the Queen and the King (because they're the royalest). Prince Philip arrives with his brother William, the man of the hour.

10:50 a.m. (2:50 a.m. PDT)

Kate and her father Michael step into a 50s Rolls Royce belonging to the Queen. It will pass Buckingham Palace, turn right at Trafalgar Square into Whitehall and end up in Parliament Square.

11 a.m. (3 a.m. PDT)

The Queen-mobile arrives at Westminster Abbey, and Kate steps into the open air, revealing her much-anticipated dress to the world. World draws in a collective breath of delight.

11 a.m. – 12:15 p.m. (3 a.m. – 4:15 a.m. PDT)

The Royal Wedding ceremony unfolds like clockwork. Aisle, tears, I do, tears, I do, tears, man and wife.

One of the 19 rooms in the Buckingham Palace to house reception #1; Credit: Hello Magazine

One of the 19 rooms in the Buckingham Palace to house reception #1; Credit: Hello Magazine

12:15 p.m. (4:15 a.m. PDT)

Ceremony ends, for better or worse. Rolls is replaced with a royal coach, and Michael is replaced by the new leading man in Kate's life. Sniff. But don't worry: Following close behind the couple will be four more coaches, carrying the “senior royals” and Kate's common parental units on a wedding procession past all London's proudest landmarks.

12:15 p.m. – 1:25 p.m. (4:15 a.m. – 5:25 a.m. PDT)

This is pretty much the only breezy slot in the Royal Wedding schedule thus far. William and Kate will be photographed around Buckingham Palace by official photog Hugo Burnand, while 650 special guests take their sweet mingly time to file into the 19 separate state rooms that house the (first!) reception.

1:25 p.m. (5:25 a.m. PDT)

William and Kate emerge onto the Buckingham Palace balcony. Then they kiss. For the first time, ever. (Unless you believe those pesky paparazzi shots.)

1:30 p.m. (5:30 a.m. PDT)

A parade of fighter jets and other awesome airmobiles flies across the sky.

3 p.m. – 8 p.m. (7 a.m. – 12 p.m. PDT)

The couple and their entourage break for a five-hour recess at St James's Palace. Which makes us very nervous. How will we know what they're doing? If they're OK? If they're having their first quarrel as man and wife? It's all too mysterious for their own good.

8 p.m. (12 p.m. PDT)

The crowd is further whittled to the 300 exclusive guests who will attend the Royal Wedding's second reception. The QUEEN'S reception, of more intimate wedding moments like the Best Man's toast and the awkward childhood storytelling.

8 p.m.+ (12 p.m.+ PDT)

William and Kate are left alone at last, to carry out one last wedding staple that can only be carried out alone. Please, paparazzi: Have some shame.

Still haven't gotten enough royal timeline for today? Here's a startlingly creepy list of every major (and minor) event in the couple's almost decade-long history. Or if it's Royal Wedding merchandise you want, try the William and Kate PEZ dispensers, or their his-and-hers bobblehead dolls. And if that's not enough, you've got a problem. But here you go anyway:

See you at the slumber party!

[@simone_electra/swilson@laweekly.com]

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