All is not rainbows and unicorns in Candyland. Some things that seem sweet on the outside actually have an insidiously bitter filling.
To wit: For a limited time, See's Candies is offering St. Patrick's Day Potatoes: "Our famous See's Divinity filling is hand-shaped and enrobed in creamy milk chocolate ... then rolled in a special blend of cinnamon and cocoa powder, and completed with pine nut 'eyes.'" Six individually boxed potatoes nestled in emerald-green paper sell for $22.50.
"Top o' the morning to you!" See's mailing blares, which also promises "chocolate leprechauns and treasure coins."
Why, may we ask, is it still OK in 2014 to be openly racist about the Irish? Oh yes, those vertically challenged drunk gingers who are a whiz at making fine lace just looove their potatoes. What's next, See's? Watermelon creams for African-Americans? Cheez Whiz truffles for white refuse?
A million Irish died during the Great Potato Famine - do you find that funny, See's? Let them eat divinity potatoes rolled in cinnamon and cocoa powder? Dirty potatoes, no less?
You'd think in this post-Game of Thrones world, Celt-bashing would be a thing of the past, but apparently not. Just put a shamrock on it. Every culture loves being reduced to a handful of clichés.
(Not that we have any Irish blood, mind you - except for way back on our father's side somewhere in Connaught, although that doesn't really count - but some of our best friends are limerick lovers. Plus we are awfully fond of Oscar Wilde.)
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SHOW ME HOW
Do you really wanna piss off the banshees, See's? Or Bono? Do you know what you're getting yourself into? Just don't step into a bar in Dublin with those St. Patrick's Day Potatoes. Or in New York City, for that matter. Faith and begorrah!
Seriously, See's, if you really want to make a St. Patrick Day's-themed candy, put some damn whiskey in it.