Folks, if you'll (once again) forgive my crass language for a moment, there's really something important that needs to be discussed:
We f*cking did it.
We officially turned up the food pop culture wash cycle to 11. It moves so fast now, there's no telling where one hit story begins and the other ends. We're all just spinning.
Remember this little diatribe, dated Jan. 9, 2014, in the Year of Our Burrito Lord? Probably not. It did pretty well at the time - this was back in January '14, when it seemed like everyone wanted to read about vending machines that dispensed bad Mexican food in less than 90 seconds.
Those days are gone now, nothing more than a faint sloshing as a slurry of food news cycled over once again.
But really, who can be expected to remember stuff that seemed worth talking about eight weeks ago? There's been far too much else going on in that time. Remember when it rained a lot and everyone was like, "Holy f*ck, where can I get some ramen now that it's sort-of wintertime???" And who could forget Fried Chicken Beignet-gate? January 2014 seems almost quaint by comparison.
And so, just over 50 days since the absolute height of vending machine burrito madness, it is with sad (if dim) remembrance that we must say farewell to Burritobox, that bright orange kiosk inside a gas station on Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood.
Now, in the interest of full disclosure, it's important to note that the actual machine, Burritobox Itself™, is probably still inside that Mobil station. We couldn't actually dispatch anyone over there to find out first-hand, because in this day and age of which-food-blog-got-there-first-ery, who has time? But suffice it to say, our former burrito overlord is all but dead, if only socially.
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Its Instagram account hasn't posted a single photo this month. Its Facebook page is a wasteland of barren likes and soulless linking. Even its flashy website is gathering dust at the edges, still promoting a deal to win a year of free burritos — except the contest itself ended March 1.
So today we say, RIP Burritobox, we hardly knew ye. Not that we know much about any of the fleeting food stories that pass us by anymore. Eight long weeks since its sunny debut, Burritobox's interactive music video screen has forever dimmed, and the pop culture wash cycle continues to spin.