When Donna Simpson dreams, she dreams big. The 650-pound New Jersey mom aims to be the fattest woman in the world. And to be the best, you have to make sacrifices. After gaining more than 50 pounds this year, Simpson celebrated by downing a 30,000-calorie Christmas meal.
Yes, you read that correctly. 30,000 calories. We didn't tack on an extra zero.
How is such a feat even possible?
According to Australia's Daily Telegraph, her Christmas meal, which took two hours to eat, included two 25-lb. turkeys, two maple-glazed hams, 15 lbs. of potatoes, a 10-lb. roast, five loaves of bread, 5 lbs. of herb stuffing, 6 pints of gravy, 6 pints of cranberry dressing, 20 lbs. of vegetables and a "salad" of marshmallow, cream cheese, whipped cream and cookies.
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We thought Paula Deen was a mad genius for layering her Symphony Brownies with 1-lb. Hershey bars. We admired the total body dedication that led Josh Ozersky to a bout of gout. We've long suspected Guy Fieri and Adam Richman survive on a secret diet of blood thinners. Donna Simpson, however, makes them all look like pikers.
We don't advocate morbid obesity, and we generally think when one's life imitates a "Simpsons" episode, something has gone horribly awry. But even if Simpson never succeeds in her quest, she deserves a role in "The Real Housewives of New Jersey," or at least the next John Waters movie.