From: Shuji Sakai, LA Weekly
To: Scott Oelkers, C.E.O. of Dominos Pizza Japan
Dear Mr. Oelkers:
We realize you planned and spent the money on your latest publicity stunt long before last week's Russian mission to resupply the astronauts on the International Space Station with food and water crashed and burned in Siberia, but maybe your WTF video pledging to build a Domino's on the moon was poorly timed?
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We know times are tough at the home office and they're counting on their global subsidaries to pick up their slack. Domino USA's apologist ad agency is busy making commercials acknowledging the plummeting quality of pizzas in recent years. We're confident they will gradually raise the bar back to the original and underachieving low height that made them America's #2 (pun intended) pizza delivery chain.
You know what would help your US counterparts, Mr. Oelkers? Send over some of the delicious-sounding ingredients that Domino's Japan sells, like Iberico ham, and Camembert. They say the Japanese out-innovate America. Those pizzas on your menu look mighty tasty to us, and it's been two decades since we fit the stoned, dorm-bound college student demographic. You can keep the Mayo-Potato pizza in Japan, though.
Maybe the PR stunt will help with your image in the Japanese market. We hope so. At a time when people in the US are still raising money for the Japanese people suffering the loss of their livelihoods after the earthquake / tsunami / meltdown, a video suggesting, even in jest, of raising billions to put pizza on the moon might just lift everyone's spirits.
The author writes about pizza shops on the moon, BBQ, and undead shrimp. Follow him on Twitter (@professorsalt) and at professorsalt.com