Red Flags That Santa Might Be A Stoner

We all know Santa as that happy loving dude who lives in the North Pole. But did you ever get the feeling that he might be a stoner? Think about it, he’s always laughing, out and about at night, and always has a bad case of the munchies. Here are some red flags that Santa might be a stoner.

Red Flags

We’re not saying that Santa is a stoner, but some of the red flags are there. Some of his actions are a little suspicious, which makes us think that his jollyness is more than just the Holiday spirit. Here are some red flags that has us thinking about some of Santa’s actions:

  1. Bad Case of the Munchies – Santa is always hungry! He can never get enough cookies and milk, which is for sure a red flag. Also, he tends to show up into someone’s home at all hours of the night, unannounced. Those are some definite red flags that Santa might be a stoner!
  2. Talks to Reindeer – He also tends to talk to his reindeer an awful lot. We understand because we tend to talk to our pets too, but he takes it to another level. In the song – Rudolf the Rednosed Reindeer it talks about how all of the other reindeer would laugh at Rudolf. This is until Santa stepped in with an anti-bully message. The song is a holiday classic, but it leaves us questioning what Santa is on.
  3. Naughty List – Another not so obvious sign is that Santa has a Naughty List. Nothing weird about having a naughty list because he doesn’t like kids who are bad. However, he takes it a step further and gives them a lump of coal for acting up all year long. Is it really coal? Or could it be a hookah coal or hardened resin from his bong?
  4. Flying Reindeer – This one is another weird one because once a year Santa gets his reindeer and starts to fly around the world. From what we’ve been told is that it’s some sort of elf dust. However, there are some dank THC products that have been known to give people that feeling that they’re flying also. 
  5. Gives Gifts – Besides the fact that we don’t know where Santa gets the money to give all of them gifts. Although we are appreciative of his generosity, older stoners from back in the day tend to be very generous when high. We know that this one might be a stretch, but there’s a lot of questions left that need answers!
  6. The North Pole – So, Santa lives in the North Pole in what resembles a Hippie commune with elves and reindeer. A lot of Hippie era stoners would choose to move from the big city to the middle of nowhere to grow their weed in peace. Also, Santa tends to promote love, and lives in a commune, does that seem suspicious?
  7. Always Dressed The Same – Every time Santa is depicted we see him wearing the same thing every day. Stoners tend to dress in the same outfit everyday because they’re comfortable. We’re sure that Santa has more than enough money or the means to get more clothes, but he chooses to wear the same thing every day…. Kind of like a stoner!
  8. Always Laughing – Santa is always laughing and yelling “Ho, Ho, Ho” everywhere he goes. We know people who are always laughing too – they’re called stoners!
  9. Works Part Time – We all know that Santa only goes out once a year to deliver presents. However, what does he do with all of that free time? Is he in meetings all day? Or is he having “sessions” when no one else is around. So many questions for old St. Nick.
  10. Procrastinator – This one just doesn’t make sense, Santa has all year long to hand out gifts yet decides to do it only once a year. Huge red flag that he’s not using his time wisely, and is obviously up to something. 


Some of the signs that Santa might be a stoner are obvious but some are not. We understand that the myth of Santa was made for children to behave in exchange for gifts at the end of the year. However, some of the myths sound awfully familiar and we couldn’t help comparing Santa to a stoner. Do these comparisons add up? Or do they apply to someone like Seth Rogan? We’ll let you decide. 

Santa’s secret stash: Delta 8 THC

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