Ali TrachtaLast night's RHOBH episode was a battle between Adrienne Maloof and Lisa Vanderpump to see who could out-Vegas the other. In one corner we had Maloof, owner of the Palms Casino, “rolling out the red carpet” with connections and comps galore. In the other we had Vanderpump, and the Chippendales. Who came out victorious?
Lisa and new BFF Taylor Armstrong accompanied little Pandora Vanderpump on her bachelorette weekend at Planet Hollywood. Why bring mama? Because that's the only way Pandy could get the cameras to follow her, of course!
Adrienne, pissed Lisa didn't hit up her hotel, hosted a girls weekend pretty much just to spite her with Camille Grammer, her crazy friend D.D. and fringewives Dana Wilkey and Brandi Glanville.
Ok, it's time to say that Pandora's wedding is starting to turn our stomach. Sorry, she's a lovely girl and deserves all the happiness in the world, but all the pink roses and tiaras are making us feel the same way we did when Bride Wars came out — that getting so caught up in such outmoded, inconsequential frivolousness sets we ladies back a few decades. We know, it's us. We're the type who prefers black to pink and for God's sake we write snark for a living. Still, Pandora's dress shopping segment in which she complained of not finding a dress with enough diamonds almost turned the whole thing into a barfisode.
Moving on.
Lisa, Taylor, Pandy and the gang caught the Chippendales show (though Lisa insisted on calling them “Chipmunks”) during which Taylor pretty much had a stroke. Yes it's a screamy kind of place, but Taylor was screamy. Her reaction to the pelvic gyration became so severe that Lisa nearly called an ambulance. Taylor pulled it together, though, in time to bounce on stage with “Leese” (her new nickname for her former frenemy, apparently) and Pandora for a lap dance contest, which Lisa “I only have sex twice a year” Vanderpump won with flying colors. Guess she was saving up all that energy.
Meanwhile, back at the Palms, Adrienne hosted the gals in the Kingpin suite, which comes complete with a bowling alley. Right. Because that's exactly what middle-aged women in tight dresses and high heels feel like doing. Snooooooooze, Adrienne.
Later, the whole gaggle, including Dana and her one million dollar diamond lollipop holder (WTF?) hit the club to grind on each other, and fend off a creepy dance lurker hovering nearby in the hopes of catching a stray boob-brush. You saw that guy right? Can't blame him for trying.
In the end, we think that in the clash of the Vegas titans, victory goes to Lisa. Despite that Adrienne's queen of Sin City, the Chipmunks party just looked more fun. We'd leave the bachelorettes at home, though.
Kyle Richards comforting sister Kim.; Credit: bravotv.com
Sadly, we apparently can't make it through one episode this season without a meltdown of some sort, and this time it was Kim shedding the tears.
Kim, who's shown up to virtually no Housewives events and is likely in jeopardy of getting the ax from Bravo Honcho Andy Cohen, swooped in with some last-minute drama when she relayed to sister Kyle that she's on the outs with her kids. Apparently they're not taking too well to new boyfriend Ken (Hello! Perhaps because he's her enabler? Ok, we don't know that, but he looks like one.) and she fears losing them. Of course, what would really put Kim in danger of that would be continuing her addictive behavior, but we're happy to hear that recently she's entered rehab and is getting help. Good for you, Kim. Godspeed.
Next week is Kyle's “white party” in which, as was the case last year, she serves as half-hostess and half-bouncer. Looking forward to it.
Follow Ali Trachta on Twitter at @MySo_CalLife and for more arts news follow @LAWeeklyArts.
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