Ali TrachtaSee also: *Our Real Housewives archives
1. Brandi Glanville (Last week: 1)
Brandi was our early pick and even though she hit the skids for several weeks, we're starting to get the feeling she might win this whole thing.
Despite being verbally assaulted at every dinner party she's attended this season, Brandi roped nearly every Housewife into joining her in Vegas for a trial run of “Brandi's Night School For Girls,” a woman-empowerment program referred to last week on air as “Brandi's Night School Out For Girls” which, while similar, is really the better name. At dinner on the first night, nobody told anybody to go fuck themselves, instead opting to drink rosé, giggle and say “bagina” a whole lot. Then it was off to pole dancing! At which all of the Housewives gave Brandi nothing but love and support and didn't even make fun of her for wearing that shredded onesie swimsuit-looking thing that said “I heart L.A.” That's amazing progress.
2. Camille Grammer (Last week: Not ranked)
She's on this show more than Adrienne Maloof and Taylor Armstrong combined and she's not even a Housewife.
Lisa doesn't want to have sex with her husband now, let alone fifty years from now.; Credit: bravotv.com
3. Lisa Vanderpump (Last week: 5)
Lisa was the only one with enough gumption to tell Suzanne Somers that having sex at age 110 does not sound like a good time.
4. Adrienne Maloof (Last week: 6)
Adrienne's been pretty M.I.A. this whole season, but she's going through a lot — stress from her surrogacy going public, legal battles with Brandi, and what we'll soon find out is a separation from her husband. At least she has enough good sense to stay away from the cameras.
5. Taylor Armstrong (Last week: 7)
Ditto for Taylor. Except she went through a lot last year, but either way, she's fine to lay low we guess.
6. Kyle Richards (Last week: 3)
But see Kyle has no excuse. She has the snooziest storyline this season and we're so disappointed.
Note the lemons; Credit: bravotv.com
7. Yolanda Foster (Last week: 4)
OK someone needs to host a lemon intervention. This is ridiculous. WTF are the lemons doing in this situation? They're delicately spilling over a wine tray for no reason. Lemons have no place here. Someone stop the insanity.
8. Kim Richard's doctor (Last week: Not ranked)
Kim should not be having a nose job because she does not need those post-op pain pills. Let's prioritize, everybody.
Follow Ali Trachta on Twitter at @MySo_CalLife and for more arts news follow @LAWeeklyArts and like us on Facebook.
Advertising disclosure: We may receive compensation for some of the links in our stories. Thank you for supporting LA Weekly and our advertisers.