My definition of class is admittedly a little different from most. I like a good bottle of $15 Scotch, a pack of $5 cigars, and bars with fish trophies on the wall. While most people spent their 20s in dance clubs and “Irish” pubs, I gravitated toward the dive bar.

Dive bars show you a lot about life. You get to mix with the people…the drunken, oversexed people. And you're probably going to find more than one women-type who'll not only go shot for shot and then straight home with you — but only if you do it right.

So here's how:

Dive Bar Nightlife

Leave the $500 shirt at home. In the dive bar, people dress business casual at best. You're more likely to see aging punk rockers, blue-haired old ladies, townies and characters out of Bukowski novels.

Still, if you're one of the fancy folk, you probably won't be the only one slumming it. Most importantly, dive bars are a place to do the two most wonderful things in life — drink and get laid.

Part of the beauty of pulling in a dive bar is how straightforward it is. Don't try telling the floozy you meet that you think she's really got something special. And don't say anything along the lines of, “Tell me about your dreams, baby.”

You'll be lucky if she wants you around for breakfast. Women in dive bars — at least the type willing to go home with a guy like you for casual sex — want the same thing you do: A quick fuck without a lot of hassle and no strings attached.

Best of all, dive bars allow you to actually get to know the person you're about to bone in a far more easygoing and casual way than any other popular watering hole format.

You drink, have a smoke, shoot some pool and shoot the shit. If you don't like what's coming out of her mouth, you ask the bartender to turn up the jukebox. If you can't wait until you get home, no one's going to mind (or even notice) a little heavy petting in the corner booth or even a quickie in-out in the gents.

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Dive Bar Etiquette

Just like any other place, however, the dive bar has rules and mores. Ignore them at your peril.

  • Buy her damn drinks. If you're in a dive bar, even top shelf is cheap. If it's not, you aren't in a dive bar, you're in a hipster bar. Run, don't walk.
  • Ask her questions. When she's drunk, she's going to want to talk about herself. Don't you? You don't have to pay attention, just stare at her face and look serious. Listen for keywords and pretend you're having an actual conversation.
  • You're not on a date. Don't cling to her. Bounce around the room but rotate back to the girl you're trying to rail like a ship to dry land. It's like any other kind of flirting. You need to be interested but not too interested.
  • Use the juke. For those who have good taste in music (and if you have to ask, you don't) use the juke to impress your single-serving girlfriend.
  • Flirt like a drunkard. This isn't dinner and a movie. You're not bringing her a bouquet of roses. You've just met a strange girl in a bar and she's about half an inch from your face telling you a blowjob joke. Stop being an awkward teenager and be the man you've always wanted to be. The worst thing she's going to do is slap you — and even that might be fun.

    • Dive In!

    Chances are good that you can go home with someone who'll give you some kiss-and-tell stories. You're not going to find model-caliber girls (not even catalog, gents, sorry) or your future ex-wife at the dive bar.

    What you will find, however, is plenty of totally decent-looking women itching to fuck who aren't too picky about who they choose. Did I mention that tons of them are crazy and crazy girls are the best lays? Because I think I just did.

    Go to the ATM, grab a $20 bill and head down to the closest bar with a neon sign and reeks of urine. You won't regret it.

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