We always wondered what (quasi-) royal porn would be like. Pardon me, Jeeves. Would you pass the liter-sized bottle of lube, please?

There would surely be white gloves everywhere. Anyway, looks like our favorite porn king, Steve Hirsch of Vivid Entertainment, is making headlines again. This time he's offering Pippa Middleton, sister of Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton, a small part in an adult video.

Yep …

… Hirsch wrote her a little letter (how quaint) offering Pippa the party planner $5 million to do just one scene.

The sis appeared in some racy photos recently, but Hirsch said it was her performance in the royal wedding that got his imagination going.

Her “beauty and attitude” made her the star of that show, according to TMZ's account of the letter.

Hirsch also offered her brother, James, a $1 million role — hopefully not to act with his sister. We left Taboo in the '80s.

Anyway, Hirsch has made similar offers in the past. He's been chasing Nadya Suleman for a while, even though no one but him, apparently, wants to see her get strange. He even offered to buy Suleman's home following reports that she was going to lose the roof over her head.

It didn't work.

But the press Vivid gets for this? Well, you know: Royally priceless.

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