If only we'd known, through the many excruciating grind seshes of youth, that we had the power to send those randy 17-year-olds -- boners pressed painfully into our backsides -- straight to juvie for one long, cold weekend of regret.
Alas. At least now we can live vicariously through the brave girl who, while enjoying an all-tween dance party at Disneyland's brand-new ElecTRONica attraction two weekends back...
... accused the guy behind her of crossing the line from good, clean vertical spooning to bona fide sexual battery. Damn. [Spotted at OC Weekly.]
The "assault" occurred at the scandalous hour of 9:45 p.m. on a Friday night, when -- according to the Orange County Register -- "a 17-year-old boy from Menlo Park, who did not know the girl, began dancing with her." That's when things got out of hand:
"As the dancing progressed, the male began dancing closer to the female, and he eventually touched her inappropriately in a manner which constituted sexual assault," [Anaheim police Sergeant Rick Martinez] said.
The girl and her friends immediately reported the incident to Disney representatives, who escorted the teen-age boy off the crowded dance floor to wait for police, Martinez said.
From there, the NorCal kid was arrested on suspicion of sexual battery and escorted to Orange County Juvenile Hall, where he was locked up from May 20 until early the next week.
Gives new meaning to Disney's advertising pitch for ElecTRONica:
It's an "electrifying" experience for the entire family, filled with music, lights and some of your favorite food and beverage, all set amidst the captivating world of "TRON: Legacy!" From a dazzling dance club under the stars to an authentic recreation of Flynn's Arcade to some radical gaming, it's like nowhere else on the grid! Each night, we'll feature live entertainers, complete with lasers, glow accessories and the hottest music ever to rock the grid. ElecTRONica is "the" place to dance the night away in a fantastic world that only Disney can create.
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OK, so we're not sure how serious this particular perv's crimes were (the investigation is ongoing), but it's hard not to feel an teensy bit sorry for the guy. Here he is, this raging young ball of hormones, thinking he's in for the California Adventure of a lifetime (har har), jazzed off the disco-future Daft Punk theme and ready to try his luck with an O.C. honey, when -- boner kill.
Then again, the girl had it way worse. And maybe this'll be lesson enough to keep dude off Megan's Law once he turns 18.