Los Angeles is among the least-douchiest cities in the United States, according to real estate listings site Estately.
And yet we simply refuse to believe this "Top U.S. Cities for Douchebags" list. The site ranked America's 100 most populous cities based on the amount of enthusiasm among male residents for certain Facebook interests. Half of those subjects (Chris Brown, Monster Energy, Vin Diesel, Dane Cook, Mixed Martial Arts) are products of/or based in greater Los Angeles!
See also: Los Angeles' Douchiest Neighborhoods
Don't we get extra credit for that?
Anyway, looking at those interests, Estately found us to be in the bottom 20, down at number 83, to be precise. Even our Ed Hardy rank - despite the fact that the clothing brand is the contemporary product of L.A.-based Frenchman Christian Audigier - was only at 21.
Interestingly, many of the top towns, Laredo (No. 1), El Paso (2), Corpus Christi (5) are rife with Mexican American douches, a previously underrated form of douche. New Jersey has guidos, but the Southwest has these brown-skinned, spiky-haired muscle boys.
Young Latino men love all things Ed Hardy and MMA. You'd think that L.A., where nearly half of us are of Mexican descent, would have done better here.
While noting that cities with high numbers of hipsters tend to rank lower in douchebaggery, the site notes that these Texas Latino towns are dominating:
Douchebags are massing in large numbers along the Texas border with Mexico, perhaps with plans of invading?
We let Estately writer Ryan Nickum know how much we disagreed with his conclusions, and he apologized. But he said the data simply did not fit the expectations of many folks:
When we compiled the criteria for Douchiest City we felt quite certain that our study would affirm what the entire country knows to be true - Southern California is the epicenter of douchedom, the capital of douchiness, the absolute pinnacle of all things douchebag. Our criteria obviously targeted the greater Los Angeles area, using numerous people and fads that began there. When we tallied everything up and discovered southern Texas was way out ahead, we were absolutely shocked. Also, we thought for sure the throngs of Massholes in Boston would push that city into the top ten. Nope.
Obviously, there's something terribly wrong with our study. Anyone who's driven I-5 from San Diego north through L.A. will have noticed they're trapped in a parade of America's douchiest douchebags. Southern California not only produces thousands and thousands of absolute douches, but it also attracts them from all over the world.
... On behalf of everyone at Estately, I'd like to sincerely apologize to all the douchebags in Southern California for not affirming their status. We are very sorry our study didn't validate what the non-douchey people of Southern California know to be true - that unlike anywhere else in America they endure far more douchebags per capita than anywhere in America.
Interestingly, SoCal towns including Anaheim (15), Santa Ana (18), and Long Beach (19) - all of them well represented by Latinos who wear Ed Hardy - made strong showings.
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SHOW ME HOW
According to Estately:
Anaheim would be wise to build a bio-dome over the entire city. Not only would this keep all the aerosol from Axe Body Spray from reaching the atmosphere, but it would form a secure perimeter to keep out social scientists looking to study all the grown men who prefer their tattoos tribal and still wear Big Johnson T-shirts.
So we can't be entirely disappointed by this ranking. We just wish L.A. would get the respect all the young men who buy bottle service at Hollywood Boulevard nightclubs have rightly paid for.