Cinco de Mayo celebrates Mexico's victory over France at the Battle of Puebla in 1862.
Now, you're saying, your mother could beat the French Army. This we don't doubt. But there's one battle-hardened organization out there we wouldn't want to mess with, especially on Cinco de Mayo weekend.
That's the local police. Cops are going to be out on the roads in full force looking for beer-holiday amateurs not unlike yourselves. Here's your battle plan:
-Tonight from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. there will be an LAPD DUI checkpoint on Western Avenue at Eighth Street in Koreatown.
-Tonight from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. there will be another LAPD checkpoint, this one on Vermont Avenue at Melrose Avenue in East Hollywood.
-Tonight from 7 p.m. to 1 a.m. a checkpoint will be waiting for you on Huntington Drive at Poplar Avenue in El Sereno.
-Tonight from 7 p.m. to 1 a.m. a checkpoint will be operating on Manchester Avenue at Avalon Boulevard in South L.A.
-Tonight from 6 p.m. to 2 a.m. L.A. County Sheriff's Department deputies will be running a checkpoint somewhere in the city of Lancaster (they're not saying exactly where).
-Saturday from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. the LAPD will have a checkpoint waiting for you on Cahuenga Boulevard at Broadlawn Drive in the Universal City area.
-Saturday from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. there will be another LAPD checkpoint on Laurel Canyon Boulevard at Oxnard Street in North Hollywood.
-Saturday from 6 p.m. to midnight there will be a sheriff's checkpoint operating somewhere in the city of Norwalk (they're not saying exactly where).
-Monday there will be extra patrol cars and police motorcycles in the following places at the following times. Cops call these operations DUI "saturation patrols."
- From noon to 8 p.m. in the LAPD's Central Division area, which includes most of downtown.
- From 5 p.m. to 1 a.m. in the LAPD's Southwest Division area south of the 10 freeway and near USC.
- From 5 p.m. to 1 a.m. in the LAPD's Hollywood Division area.
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- And, doubling up, apparently, again from 7 p.m. to 3 a.m. in the Hollywood Division area.
- From 5 p.m. to midnight in the city of Pasadena.
Don't be estúpido. Be safe.