Let us imagine that pick-up was a medieval court. At the top you have the alphas of the court, which, in this case would be the dukes, the princes and, of course, the King.
Lower down the ranks and roles of the court you will find the musicians, servants and everybody's favorite; the jester.
The jester makes the audience laugh; he entertains them by being the buffoon, and essentially bowing to their every whim. Sounds like a popular and loveable fellow on paper, but in reality can be a very lonely one.
The problem with the jester is when he has finished his routine and the audience begins to feast on the royal banquet, he is not invited to join the table, and no one would contemplate joining him at his own table – if he actually had one.
Why is he treated like this? A number of reasons – the main one being that whilst he amuses the court, he fails to amuse himself.
Thus he is presented as an object that is at the mercy of other people, who instantly lose respect for his character.
A lot of my students come to me and tell me how funny they are and how they can make a whole group of beautiful woman laugh for the entire evening. But at the end of that evening something strange happens: The woman either go home alone or with someone else, or they give a “flaky” phone number. Why is this?
Here is the $64,000 question answered.
“What do women want?”
Strength. Though humor, good looks and intelligence also are up there on the list, they are not as important as inner strength. (We'll discuss these points in a later article.)
So what the jester/student in question displays whilst entertaining a group of giggling woman is essentially weakness. The need to make others happy simply in order to be liked, the same task performed by the jester in medieval court.
I can hear you from behind your computer screens. “Now wait a minute! I know plenty of funny guys who make everyone laugh and get the pick of the hottest chicks at the end of the night!”
Well I do too! But those men are not playing a jester! They act as a king or a prince who amuses himself first and his audience second.
I had a male friend who was not only a babe magnet, but who was considered by men and woman alike to be hilarious and I agree he is one of the funniest people I have ever met.
I recently asked him what his secret was, how his particular sense of humor seemed to make nearly everyone laugh. He took a moment to think about this and said:
“Because I'm amusing myself. I have never and will never make another person laugh if I myself do not find it funny. Why on earth would I say something to keep another person entertained? I'm not a clown on a stage.”
But what if someone doesn't laugh?
“Then they don't get my humor, and will remain out in the cold, bewildered.”
His arrogance, I feel, was part of the humor, and the shocked look on my face to his response made not one bit of difference to him; thus answering my question perfectly.
He would not compromise his answer to me to make me happy; as he would never compromise his own sense of humor to keep others happy either!
Personal amusement is, rightly or wrongly, a superior quality to have. The person you might be having a conversation with is never quite sure if the joke is on them or not, but will decide 90 percent of the time to laugh with you rather than risk being the focus of the joke in question.
So long as you are never dependant on whether or not they laugh, you will always be able to keep the superior role in the interaction.
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People always want to be in on a joke; they never want to be the one left standing on the outside trying to peer in. I teach my students not to be the jester, but to be the King who, whilst he still entertains his courtiers, also reminds them that this is HIS world, and they're welcome to be a part of it.
The King knows his greatness; he knows his strength. And if someone cannot understand or doesn't “get it” then they are the ones who will look like fools who need to catch up to be on his level.
Remember, if you are happy being the entertainer, if that is your strong point, then by all means run with it. But remember, if you place a group of people as the judges of your routines, then judge they will, and they will become your masters.
You must be the entertainer whom, when he finishes his performance, everyone wants to sit with. And not only will they invite him to join their table, they'll likely get up to move to his.