Slam rehab for Sheen.
Slam rehab for Sheen.

Charlie Sheen Invents 2-Week Rehab Program, Says He's Ready For Work On 'Two and a Half Men'

Sorry Dr. Drew, but Charlie Sheen has discovered the secret to condensed rehabilitation. You might say it's not possible, but just listen to the actor talk:

"They said get your act together and I did. ... Check it, it's like I heal really quickly. But I unravel pretty quickly," he told DirecTV's Dan Patrick Show this week.

Following a 36-hour, reported coke-and-hooker bender in late January, Sheen says he has recovered. Here are the new steps to rapid sobriety:

1. - Admit you are powerless over porn stars.

2. - Believe that a paycheck greater than us can restore us to (temporary) sanity. (In this case, we're talking about Sheen's Two and a Half Men TV gig).

3. - Turn your life over to your agent.

4. - Make an inventory. Make sure no porn stars have stolen any more six-figure watches.

5. - Admit you spent too much on hookers.

6 . - Be ready to have the maid scrub the house.

7. - 12. - Blah, blah, blah. Remember, this is the condensed version.

Sheen wants to get back to work on Two and a Half Men. He even showed up on set. No one was there. (Maybe they think he needs more time).

You can tell Sheen is really ready after his hooker-thon. He told Patrick his advice for others is this:

"Stay away from the crack ... Unless you can manage it socially."

He really said that.


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >