Ladies travel site Misstravel.com recently named named Coachella the number one music festival at which to go on a first date. For so many reasons, this is a terrible idea.
Issue number one is that unless you have some day pass scenario worked out, a first date at Coachella means that you're automatically signing up to spend three days and nights with the person you're hanging with. Call us old fashioned (or maybe just picky), but that's a big commitment to make to someone with whose last name you probably don't even know yet. What if they start to annoy you on the drive out to Indio with their constant talking and incessant requests to pull over and find a bathroom? What are you going to do then, besides try to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach that the next three days of your life are going to suck?
See also: Coachella 2013 Lineup Announced
Also, there's the fact that Coachella is a feast of flesh. Seriously have you seen the women out there? They're beautiful! The guys too. Really, everyone at this thing is sexy, dressed to kill and also typically half or more than half naked. It's basically impossible to go to Coachella without having impure thoughts about at least half the crowd, and chances are you're going to want to flirt with the hottie from Temecula that you met in line for frozen lemonade and maybe makeout with them later too. No dice though if you have that first date dead weight with you.
Let's also consider the lodging situation here. Maybe you're staying at some swank gated community house where you and your date can choose to sleep in separate rooms or shack up together if the mutual vibes are good (or drunk). More likely though, you're going to be crammed together with five or so friends in a house or hotel room. This scenario provides little room for comfort, privacy or even the chance to get away and take a breather from this goddamn long haul of a date. The situation is even more intense (read: much worse) if you're camping. Have you ever gone on a three day camping trip in the desert for a first date? No, you haven't, because it's a bad idea.
And what if you discover that you and your date have very different musical tastes? What if, for example, you want to catch the Postal Service and they want to go get their rave on to Knife Party. Yeah, game changer. Not only will the two of you always be doing that ultra annoying festival thing where you try to coordinate a time and place to meet up later, you'll also be pondering if you can actually like someone who wears those glowing raver gloves while you do it. Or maybe you'll both be so equally excited to see New Order that you'll just camp out together in front of the mainstage all day while talking about your dreams for the future and intermittently running off to buy each other water and snacks. That sounds really nice. If that happens, marry the person.
We concede that hanging out at Coachella for a day is a reasonable first date premise. You can ride the Ferris wheel, see some music, make meaningful eye contact while the sun sets over the hills and then furiously makeout during the the Lumineers' encore. Or, you can just easily ditch each other when you realize that they really like Infected Mushroom and you really do not. But to sign up for a three day marathon date in the high heat of the desert with someone you might not like that much seems potentially as miserable as trying to get into Neon Carnival.
We say, better to develop a massive crush on someone during the fest (festival romances are the best), and then ask them out on a real deal followup first date in the city after you've both showered, slept and put on an outfit that doesn't involve hot pants and a spirit hood.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!