Finding a douchey DJ is about as easy as finding an Ed Hardy t-shirt in Vegas on a Saturday night.
Still, we strive for accuracy at LA Weekly, and we've gone through the list of top global spinners with a fine-tooth comb to bring you this revelatory Top 5 of supremely douchey spinners.
Bottoming our list:
5. Kaskade. Sorry. But just getting the big-time treatment in The New York Times recently sealed the deal. In reality, Kaskade is a super-down-to-earth, nice-guy Mormon who has been hanging out in Santa Monica recently. In global clubland, however, he's a larger than-life spinner of uplifting "house" music who all the girls love. You have to hate him just for that. But then he causes a near-riot on Hollywood Boulevard. And he looks good in tight t-shirts.
4. Afrojack. Afrojack could actually pass as a nondouche. His hair is trim almost to the skin (no spikeyness here), and he's no Christian Audigier acolyte (that we can tell). Still, his stabby synth sounds rival the over-top arpeggios of trance in the get-me-the-hell-out-of-this-club department. His is the douche's soundtrack.
3. Steve Aoki. L.A.'s own indie-dance pioneer has become just another purveyor of over-the-top, more-Daft-Punk-than-Daft-Punk crap house. We would forgive him if he hadn't been such an anti-dance-culture gadfly when he started out spinning non-sequitur blends of KROQ fare. Now he plays boom-tss music on the big stages of rave festivals. Aoki has become the guy he hated back in his original Cinespace days.
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2. Tiesto. Too easy, we know. And we have to say that the Dutch trance king has de-douchified himself nicely, what with the housier tunes and a cred-worthy Diplo coming along for his last tour. But we have to give the cheese-meister a nod simply because of his fans (above).
1. Paul Oakenfold. Oakey is a class act without whom we might not have electronic dance music culture as we know it. He's one of the few who went to Ibiza in the mid-1980s, and the rest is history. And anyone who ever downed a tab of E and then saw the light has this guy to thank. Still, the image of the DJ as a Spinal Tapian, hair-care-product-hording rock star? Oakenfold created that icon. It is he. Superstar DJ? No, superdouche DJ.