Ok, so we don't have football in L.A. anymore, and frankly we're sick of the way the NFL screws with us.
But that doesn't mean we're not interested in viewing the Super Bowl this Sunday, with a bunch of others committed to decimating their food-and-drink New Year's resolutions.
So here are the best spots around L.A. to watch the big game, from the Valleys to downtown to Santa Monica, hopefully with a side of potato skins and a lot of booze.
San Fernando Valley: Sagebrush Cantina (above)
This West Valley landmark in the heart of Old Town Calabasas is famous for its biker types and sawdust-covered floors. The annual tailgate party and BBQ kicks off at 2:30 p.m. with a buffet, taco bar and drink specials, followed by a live DJ after the game. There's also lots of room to get up and blow off some steam in case your team isn't winning. Reservations recommended. 23527 Calabasas Rd., Calabasas, (818) 222-6062. sagebrushcantina.com
San Gabriel Valley: Lucky Baldwins
Beckham-style football takes a backseat to "American Football" at ye olde Lucky Baldwins English-style pub in Old Town Pasadena. With televisions on the patio and inside the bar, happy hour (aka "Lucky Hour") goes from 2 - 9 p.m. on Super Bowl Sunday. If you're a beer snob, Lucky's welcomes you with open arms and the legendary Pliny the Elder on tap. It should all go down well with the $3 appetizers, too. 17 S. Raymond Ave., Old Town Pasadena. (626) 795-0652. luckybaldwins.com
Maybe you're not the biggest football fan, or maybe your team is just getting its ass kicked. With 25 LED TVs and 16 giant screens, XLanes also has bowling, billiard tables, karaoke rooms, and an arcade - not to mention a restaurant and bar with over 30 bottled beers and 20 on tap. 333 S Alameda St #300, Little Tokyo. (213) 229-8910. xlanesla.com
Hollywood: Big Wangs
At Big Wangs you will find loud, crazy crowds and multiple TVs blasting the game. Besides Hollywood, Big Wangs also has locations in West LA, Downtown, North Hollywood and Valencia, but for watching the Super Bowl, this one's our favorite. 1562 N. Cahuenga Blvd, Hollywood. (323) 469-2449. bigwangs.com
West Hollywood: Abbey Food and Bar
A ref named "Momma" hosts this tailgate party at the Abbey, WeHo's own legendary gay and lesbian bar, lounge and restaurant that serves up hot dog and beer-bucket specials during the Super Bowl. Watch it on an LED wall, with DJs spinning before and after the game. Reservations recommended. 692 N. Robertson Blvd., West Hollywood. (310) 289-8410. abbeyfoodandbar.com
Santa Monica: Sonny McLean's Irish Pub
Normally this is a Patriots bar - its motto is "Who says you're 3000 miles away?" - but the Patriots got eliminated, so if your allegiances lie elsewhere you'll be safe here on Super Bowl Sunday. In fact, you should expect a big crowd, so be sure to get there early. 2615 Wilshire Blvd., Santa Monica. (310) 449-1811. sonnymcleans.com
Bonus: How about a Super Bowl CRUISE? (see below)
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Long Beach: Super Bowl 2014 Party Cruise
If one afternoon isn't enough for your Super Bowl partying, peep this three-night cruise that sails from Long Beach to Ensenada, Mexico, from January 31 to February 3. Prices start at $330 per person for four people. Call (469) 251-2532 for, perhaps, a last-minute deal.