It's Valentine's Day! Whether you're in a loving relationship (you know, like if you were dating Drake) or single and looking to mingle, you're surely in need of some choice words to get some action going.
We can't all be Tim Dog and seduce all of En Vogue at once, so it's best to look to take tips from some other rap greats. (And no-so-greats.) Here, then, are our five most bizarre hip-hop pick-up lines.
5) "How would it feel, to sleep with a woman like you? / To fade that monkey 'til it's funky?"
DJ Quik, "Mo Pussy"
Yes, there's a bit of regional slang at play here, but in essence his Quikness is saying, "What's intercourse with you like? You know, quality intercourse?"
How would somebody respond to that? "Oh, pretty great." "I've heard only great things." Or could someone score points with the humble honesty of "It's nothing to write home about, but serviceable."
4) "I saw you from across the room / And I gotta admit that you got my attention / You're making me wanna say "Yo."
Chris Brown, "Yo (Excuse Me Miss)"
Leave it to women's studies major Chris Brown to come up with the most surefire imaginable pick-up line. Nothing says, "I'm interested in you" than a confusing play-by-play recap of the last fifteen seconds right up until the sentence began.
3) "Is your Dad a dealer? / Cause you're dope to me."
M.I.A. brings a clever turn of phrase here, but what we find exceptionally curious is the implied notion that a quality lover shows indicators of their parents' professions.
"Is your Mom a florist? Cause you smell nice."
"Is your Stepfather an architect? Cause you're well built."
"Is your father the ambassador to Brazil? Because you are well waxed."
2)"Have You Ever Had Sex With a Pharoah?"
Kanye West, "Monster"
Mr. West has been accused of being a misogynist, stemming from, well, too many of his lyrics to name here. But surely most bizarre is this line, effectively the equivalent of, "Have you ever had sex with a tyrannical ruler who forces human beings to do his bidding?"
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1) "Is that your ass or your mama half reindeer?"
Nelly, "Shake Ya Tailfeather"
Absurd? Over-the-top? Yes, Nelly's verse on Bad Boys II's "Shake Ya Tailfeather" - from Michael Bay's Bad Boys II - is one of the most perplexing lines ever rapped. The rap game William S. Burroughs, Nelly is not only discussing someone's ass as a way to win her affections, but questions whether or not the tuchus is legit, or perhaps the product of a half-centauress. At least in "Hot In Herre" he let us know he was "just kidding like Jason."