Of popular music's enduring phenomena, the Miami rapper Pitbull is the most surprising. Seemingly hated by everyone, Pitbull only grows more ubiquitous.
If you've watched even one NBA playoff game on ESPN or ABC, you've doubtless heard Shitbull's customized version of "Timber" as the stations cut to commercial. And if you're planning on watching any World Cup coverage, you're sure to hear "We Are One (Ole Ola)," his collaboration with J-Lo.
What's more, FOX recently announced that it was giving Shitbull his own New Year's Eve special. Shitbull in the ring with Dick Clark, Carson Daly and Ryan Seacrest? That's one we sure didn't see coming.
But more startling than his ever-rising zenith is the fact that he's only 33. Look at Shitbull; dude looks old. He's bald. He has forehead creases. He scowls a lot. He's perpetually dressed in monochromatic formalwear. He looks to be at least 43, if not 53.
The true test of how old Shitbull looks, however, is to compare his visage to those of other celebrities born in 1981. Here are 7:
7. Beyonce Knowles
If Shitbull were in that elevator, he would have had Jay Z's back!
6. Justin Timberlake
The ex-boy-bander is extremely lucky that Jessica Biel didn't meet Shitbull first.
5. Jessica Alba
If she's smart, she'll consider having Shitbull co-author her next Goop-esque lifestyle tome.
4. Joseph Gordon-Levitt
If Shitbull had starred in 50/50 instead of Seth Rogen, it would have been retitled 100/0 - with a 100% chance that Shitbull would have kicked cancer's ass himself.
3. Kelly Rowland
Even when she's with her boo, Destiny's raven-headed stepchild is secretly thinking about Shitbull.
2. Josh Gad
Shitbull eats tubby Jonah Hill wannabes for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
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1. Natalie Portman
Is thought to be secretly pining for Shitbull to replace Chris Helmsworth in the next Thor sequel.