LA WeeklyBy Ryan Colditz
Photos by Timothy Norris
“Did that REALLY just happen?” Oh yes it did. Lucha Vavoom is in town. Last night anything and everything happened except for a donkey show, which I was expecting for the finale (It didn't happen). This was sensory overload to the tenth degree, as high-flying masked men beat each other up while super-sized chickens body-slammed massive Shamu whales. Yea, I'm serious.
The excitement level never dipped below maximum insanity all night, as classic rock cover songs in Spanish served as the soundtrack for the show. It was brilliant and set the mood perfectly for what ensued. Ringside ticket holders were left to fend for themselves as masked wrestlers were thrown into the crowd, knocking over precious and pricey drinks, while male strippers ran into the crowd looking for a hump. No one knew what to expect next. Hot striptease dances packed with full-figured wiggles and jiggles and midgets jumping off huge speaker towers onto lifeless opponents lying in the front row were just a small piece the action that took place inside the unassuming Mayan Theater. So much insanity. All the time. It was so much fun.
Between matches burlesque dancers performed some oddly sexy stripteases. One of them being the trapeze act by the Wau Wau Sisters. Starting off as your typical trailer-trash striptease, the sisters quickly turned it into a girl-on-girl trapeze extravaganza suspended high above the stage. It was everything you wished Olympic gymnastics could be.
Let me attempt to give a taste of a typical Lucha VaVoom Mexican wrestling match: a snippet of the type of shenanigans that went down. Ok, try to follow this. You know Dirty Sanchez? The king of stinky deeds himself was up against an angry cholo. Not knowing the power of Dirty's ass, the cholo assumed Dirty's mustache and bulging patch of pubic hair would be no match for him, but he had no idea what he was getting into. After landing Dirty in a devastating body slam, Mr. Sanchez did what he does best, he crapped himself. Multiple times. And being the wise wrestler he is, he used his skid marks and fecal stench to subdue the cholo and win the match. Good work Dirty Sanchez. Your legend lives on.
While there were too many “WTF” m00ome0000000000000000000000000000000nts to talk about, one particular part of the show left everyone saying “I had no idea that was a man.” While it seemed a more suitable line for downtown Vegas than downtown LA, the performance was on par with Lucha's wild antics and gender-bending fun. Using the hula-hoop as a distraction, the crowd sat in awe of the smooth gyrating sex show in front of them, but no one thought to check for a set of balls. Opps.
The highlight of the show was the match pitting pint-sized superheroes Lil' Chicken again Shamu Jr. Their lack of size was made up by an onslaught of acrobatic tosses and spin-slams that could not be contained by the ring. Minutes into the match, bodies were flying out of the ring into the crowd. There were piles of people everywhere, including the referee who did his own swan dive off stage at one point. The funniest parts of the night came when Lil' Chickens theme song played, a disco version of the chicken dance. This song sent him into a frenzy as he bounced around on his butt, flapping his wings and taunting the other wrestlers. I think they lost the match, but the crowd kept chanting “CHICKEN” in hope he would find a way.
While most of the stunts of the night were planned ahead (yes, and the tooth-fairy is bullshit also), one man took it on himself to go head-to-head with the bar. In the middle of a heated match, the spotlight shifted from the ring to a guy in the front row who picked the wrong place to pass out drunk. He was down for the count and was revived briefly by his date, but it was far too late for water as the referee counted him out before he could shake the blackout. BO'd by the bar. Nice move buddy.
It hard to sum up a crazy event like this, but it was so much fun hooting and hollering, cheering and jeering, and refreshing to see something funny and odd. Lucha VaVoom is around a few times a year, so be smart and check e out. You wont regret it.
–Ryan Colditz
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