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*Color Me Badd Lyrical Dissection: What Does “We Can Do It 'til We Both Wake Up” Mean?
It's truly impossible to tally the changes the record industry has undergone in the past decade. But one thing is clear. The floodgates have been opened for no-talent assclowns seeking fame. Can someone please explain how Rebecca Black can really make waves with a song like “Friday“?
Well, actually, Rebecca Black is just a modern age LFO. And the only difference between the two is that rather than being cast off into viral-video infamy like Miss Black, back in 1999 these three Massachusetts boys with bad bleach jobs found themselves with a Top 5 hit in “Summer Girls” — an absurd, moronic bubblegum pop song.
As such, we needed to take a closer look at the lyrics and see what these dudes knew about making hit records that apparently we were too blind to see.
Yeah … I like it when the girls stop by … in the summer
Do you remember, do you remember?
… when we met …that summer??
The song starts off fairly simply. And we totally get where they are headed with this little ditty. We also like when girls drop by for the summer. Carry on, gents.
New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer
Sure, New Kids on the Block did have a bunch of hits. And really, a heaping helping of Kung Pao Chicken often does require a side dose of Pepto Bismol for us as well. Things are starting to get confusing, though. How do these keen observations relate to girls dropping by for the summer?
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch
I'd take her if I had one wish
But she's been gone since that summer
Since that summer
Men in their mid-20s — as LFO were at the time they recorded this song — preying on Abercrombie and Fitch-wearing girls — who tend to be in high school — is just downright creepy.
Hip Hop, marmalade, Spic and Span
Met you one summer and it all began
You're the best girl that I ever did see
The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Things start to go off the rails here. We're starting to get utterly confused about this whole relationship with this summer girl. Please try and explain to us even just one similarity between a white boy from French Lick, Indiana named Larry Bird and William Shakespeare (whom the late Rich Cronin apparently knows on a first-name basis as “Billy”). They're both white dudes?
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby
Something in your eyes went and drove me crazy
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer then went back home
Macaulay Culkin wasn't Home Alone
Fell deep in love, but now we ain't speaking
Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
Producer: Okay, guys. For the lyrics let's try and veer away from inserting any random Trivial Pursuit answer that pops into your head and get back to writing an pop song with actual substance.
LFO: Hmm … how about if we slyly reference Macaulay Culkin and Michael J. Fox instead?
Producer: [silence]
Rich Cronin: Hold up a minute. Just hear me out. We'll casually slink our way back into that whole “summer girl love story” theme. But, don't worry. We'll make sure to show our chivalrous side by explaining that I at least introduced myself to this lucky lady by my real name and didn't use my go-to pseudonym “Stanley” (which can't be traced back to a Massachusetts sex offenders' list).
Producer: [silence]
Cherry Pez, Cold Crush, rock star boogie
Used to hate school so I had to play hooky
Always been hip to the B-boy Style
Known to act wild and make girls smile
Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Remind me of you because you rock my world
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
Guys, you should probably stop referencing early hip-hop and R&B culture. These summer girls weren't even alive then.
You love hip hop and rock 'n' roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near
You love Fun Dip and Cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
Who drinks Cherry Coke anymore? Or even did in 1999? And how can this girl possibly laugh at their jokes? Oh, wait, we decided she's in high school. No self-respecting woman LFO's own age would go for this shit.
In the summertime girls got it going on
Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike
Steal your bike? So they're bullies, too.
Boogalo Shrimp and pogo sticks
My mind takes me back there oh so quick
Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Limpet
Think about that summer and I bug, cause I miss it
Like The Color Purple, macaroni and cheese,
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees
Call you up but what's the use
I like Kevin Bacon, but I hate Footloose
Came in the door I said it before, I think I'm over you
but I'm really not sure
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch
This is truly extraordinary. A 1964 animated fish who helped destroy Nazi submarines, a comparison of Oprah's movie about slavery and macaroni and cheese, and a reference to Eric B. and Rakim, all in the same verse? Christ. And Boogalo Shrimp? He's probably ashamed to be name checked in your song. And crap, your demographic has NO idea what you're talking about, Gramps.
Conclusion: Our lyrical dissection of LFO's “Summer Girls” left us with a brutal case of vertigo and worse cramps than usually occur as a result of gorging on Chinese food, to which LFO can surely relate. How did this song become popular? Because underage girls like Abercrombie and Fitch?
We'll be listening to “Friday” on repeat for several hours now as a form of detox.
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