Hey girls. Bobble-head blowjobs don't cut it.

JFYI. (Yes, that abbreviation will become a “thing” and I'm at the drum major in that march.)

The porn scene: Guy sits down. Girl kneels down and puts 1/8 of guy's penis in mouth. She proceeds to bob head up and down, moving the 1/8 portion in and out like a trashy metronome.

The reality scene: Guy sits down. Girl kneels down and puts 1/8 of penis in mouth and bobs up and down like a metronome. Guy carefully contemplates whether or not he should grab her head and take over.

For those of you who can only swallow an eighth of cock without gagging, don't fret. Many women don't know that the most sensitive part of a cock is NOT at the base — deep-throating doesn't feel good because your forehead hits his pelvis.

The underside of the head of his penis is a sort of bullseye of nerve endings (called the corona) that, when licked/rubbed/touched, feels damn good.

So if you're able to take it all in and more, great. When you feel the head hit the back of your throat, start moving your swallowing muscles and brace yourself.

And if you're only able to take in a little bit, make sure your tongue pays attention to that law logo2x bsweet spot. Treat it like you're eating a very frozen ice cream cone: Lick it gingerly and you'll never make any progress, but add pressure and use more surface area, and that ice cream will melt in your mouth in no time.

Regardless of your oral capacity, if you want to give good head, don't be timid. A penis isn't scary and it isn't gross. If you think otherwise, you might want to team up with that dude who “doesn't go down there” and have a drink or two. You two will be very happy together.

Advertising disclosure: We may receive compensation for some of the links in our stories. Thank you for supporting LA Weekly and our advertisers.