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Protein-Related Racism

On his radio show Monday, Jim Rome discussed a little-known
cause of racism, as revealed by the strange case of one-time Dodger and Angel
pitcher Bill Singer, who lost his jobs in 2003 as special assistant to then–New
York Mets general manager Jim Duquette and as Pacific Rim scouting specialist
after making several racially disparaging remarks to Dodgers assistant general
manager Kim Ng during a meeting of general managers. Rome explained that Singer
has finally found a job back in baseball, as a scout with the Arizona Diamondbacks,
and then analyzed the situation:

“Singer slurred Ng and her Asian heritage . . . [But] he
apologized and said that he said what he said because he was on a high-protein
diet and had a bad reaction to the booze that he happened to be guzzling down
at the time. Yeah, I’m sure that’s what the problem was. I read about that all
the time, and you probably do too. You know, the adverse effects of high-protein
diets: increased cholesterol, racism. Happens all the time. You eat a few steaks,
you cut the bread out of your diet, and the next thing you know, you’re John
Rocker. Yeah, right . . . Look, pretty much everybody deserves a second chance.
He has apologized . . . Let’s just make sure the Diamondbacks keep him on a
strict carbohydrate-heavy diet. I don’t need this guy loading up on protein
and suddenly going Al Campanis again. I don’t need him crushing a steak and
turning into Marge Schott in front of everybody again. Make sure this guy’s
got a loaf of bread on his desk at all times to prevent any further instances
of protein-related racism. Just to be sure . . . Hey Bill, how you doin’? You
been hitting the steak and the beer pretty hard, what do you say, just to be
sure, you pound a loaf of bread, or maybe some potato chips. You need to carry
a bag of Sun Chips, at all times, those big ones, just to be sure. Or like keep
an emergency baked potato in your briefcase . . . Did you really say that to
her? ‘Well, yes I did.’ What do you have to say for yourself? ‘Well at the time
I was on a high-protein diet and I was drinking, so it’s really not my fault.’
Well, that sounds pretty logical. Doesn’t it say that on the side of all those
high-protein meals? Side effects include racism . . . I thought I’d heard everything
until I heard that . . . ‘I’m not really a racist, I just had too much steak
that day, and not enough potatoes. It’s not my fault. If somebody had brought
me some toast, I would have been fine.’”

The Healing Power of Silly War Songs

Has Sir Paul McCartney become America’s patron saint of patriotism?
He was there for us after 9/11, he’s always ready to pitch in with a song for
our good causes, and this past Super Bowl Sunday he healed the wounds of our
national tragedy after last year’s wardrobe malfunction with a halftime filled
with Beatles classics and a Wings song that disturbingly fit too well the mood
of our administration. Check out the words, grammatical errors and all, to “Live
and Let Die”:

When you were young and your heart was an open book,
You used to say live and let live.
(You know you did, you know you did, you know you did.)
But if this ever changing world in which we live in,
Makes you give in and cry . . .
Say live and let die.
(Live and let die.)
Live and let die.
(Live and let die.)
What does it matter to you?
When you got a job to do, you gotta do it well.You’ve got to give
the other fella hell.

Making New Friends

“One cannot threaten on the one hand and invite [us] to talks
on the other hand.”

—Iranian government spokesman Abdollah
Ramezanzadeh, on Monday, February 7,
responding to remarks by Condoleezza Rice
in which she implied Washington was unwilling
to become involved in European negotiations
offering economic incentives to Iran if it agreedto drop production
of nuclear fuel