A true-life tryst tale submitted by LA After Dark reader Cherry Blossom Girl, entitled “WTF BF?”
I had a crush on “Jason” at my first job in L.A.. He was super dreamy, tall, cute, funny and we had an amazing sexual chemistry but never acted on it. When I left that job for another, we ran into each other at a bar (go figure) and I started flirting/drinking/laughing at his jokes – they weren't funny at all – and using all kinds of fun body language.
You know how it is. Blame it on the Jack Daniels.
He asked me to go home with him and I was like, “Why not?” C'est La Vie.
We went back to his place and we made out on his balcony until he said the golden words: “I've always wanted to know what it's like to be in bed with you. I guess it's been building up for all these years.”
I eloquently responded, “Yes, me too. I've wanted to fuck you for awhile.”
I was naughty.
We passionately kissed and make naughty noises like the ones you hear on Cinemax at 12:30 a.m. on a Tuesday.
We did the whole sucking-face-while-walking-to-the-bedroom-while-taking-off-each-other's-clothes maneuver. He was a bit drunk and stumbled on the bed.
Then he's on top of me. It's steamy and exciting. He flips me on my stomach and starts humping…my back. My fucking BACK??
I thought, “Well OK, some people are into dry humping. Why not?”
I told myself I'd let him get his rocks off for a second, ya know, warm up the oven before he put in the turkey. But he fucks my back for almost 10 minutes and was done.
WHAT THE FUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK??!
I was lying on my stomach relatively traumatized but I didn't want to embarrass the guy. So I just went home and took a nice long bath.
Still to this day, I have no idea what that was about. My back has never been the same.