Last night I was in the car and heard Trump and Vietnam’s President Quang at a joint press conference. Hearing Trump read a prepared statement is to endure a petulant child who has no grasp of the material, no idea of sentence structure and no desire to communicate. But when he goes freestyle, it’s a craptastrophy.

When asked if he could definitively say whether he thought Russia and Putin did or did not interfere in the last presidential election, Trump excreted a yuge bolus of partially chewed word salad that would make Sarah Palin proud. Trump had previously stated that when he asked Putin if he and Russia had interfered with the election, Putin had said no. Trump said he believed him. When confronted about this, Trump gave a Neville Chamberlain–esque non-answer that seems to indicate he’s considering lifting the sanctions on Russia.

In order to “get along,” Trump seems more than willing to let all this election-meddling business go because, you know, the world is a better place when we’re all working together. Is this the start of a favor being returned? Oil fields to be drilled, the Magnitsky Act to be struck down, the fruits of the investment to be harvested?

It took the better part of an hour but I transcribed Trump’s “answer.” It’s fascinating to read what he actually says. To hear it is to trip and fall along with him as he spitballs, ducks and dodges, leaving you dizzy yet almost certain Trump is full of it. Reading it removes all remaining doubt, unless you’re a dumbfuck, which means you probably thought he was brilliant. Here it is:

Why are comrade Trump’s defenders OK with Putin walking all over America?

“What I said there, I’m surprised that there’s any conflict on this, what I said there was that I believe he believes that, and that’s very important for somebody to believe. I believe that he feels that he and Russia did not meddle in the election. As to whether I believe it or not, I’m with our agencies as especially as currently constituted with their leadership. I believe in our intel agencies, our intelligence agencies. I’ve worked with them very strongly. There weren’t 17 as was previously reported, there actually were four, but they were saying there were 17; there were actually four. But as currently led by fine people, I believe very much in our intelligence agencies.

“Now at the same time I want to be able because I think it’s very important to get along with Russia, to get along with China, to get along with Vietnam, to get along with lots of countries because we have a lot of things we have to solve. And frankly, Russia and China in particular can help us with the North Korea problem, which is one of our truly great problems. So I’m not looking to stand and start arguing with somebody when there’s reporters all around and cameras recording and seeing our conversation. I think it was very obvious to everybody, I believe that President Putin really feels, and he feels strongly, the he did not meddle in our election. What he believes is what he believes. What I believe is that we have to get to work and I think everybody understood this that heard the answer. We have to get to work to solve Syria, to solve North Korea, to solve Ukraine, to solve terrorism.

“And you know, people don’t realize Russia’s been very, very heavily sanctioned. They were sanctioned at a very high level and that took place very recently. It’s now time to get back to healing a world that is shattered and broken. Those are very important things. And I feel that having Russia in a friendly posture as opposed to always fighting with them is an asset to the world and an asset to our country, not a liability. And by the way, Hillary Clinton had the reset button; she wanted to get back together with Russia. She even spelled “reset” wrong; that’s how it started and then it got worse. President Obama wanted to get along with Russia but the chemistry wasn’t there. Getting along with other nations is a good thing, not a bad thing, believe me. It’s a good thing, not a bad thing.”

Why are comrade Neville Trump’s defenders OK with Putin, this rotten-to-the-core fuck, walking all over America? There were only four of America’s intelligence agencies, the ones he has worked with “strongly,” that concluded Russia interfered with our last presidential election. Only four out of 17 — not that many, right?

The four were the FBI, the ODNI, the NSA and the CIA. I would like to see Neville list all 17. But he said he believes the four (led by fine people), but he believes that Putin believes what he believes. So rather than confront Putin, he lets him slide — you know, to keep that chemistry happening.

Back to comrade Nev’s obfuscatathon. You want to “solve” Ukraine? Wouldn’t that entail telling Putin to back off, which would lead to a confrontation about the annexation of Crimea? Neville won’t go there.

Russia’s been sanctioned! Cry me a river. Is Neville going to roll over? Are the Republicans in the House and Senate going to go along with this? In order to heal that shattered and broken world, which Puerto Rico is part of, still in great need of help but whatever, America needs to let bygones be bygones, shut down all the investigations, put Mueller back in his box, and get to work solving all those problems because Russia will be happy to make the world a better place? Things will get better when America capitulates to the worst leader Russia’s had since Stalin? Really? That’s Neville’s play?

Game, set, match, Putin. Pathetic.

If this is the “art of the deal,” if this is how America’s president puts his country first, Putin and his cronies couldn’t be happier. Of all the millions of Americans, Russia picked the perfect guy to put in office.

Look for your weekly fix from the one and only Henry Rollins right here every Thursday, and come back tomorrow for the playlist for his Sunday KCRW broadcast.

More from the mind of Henry Rollins:
Make America Filthy, Hungry, Broke and Stupid Again
Ask Yourself What Side of History You Want to Be on
Don't Let the Trump Show Distract You From What's Really Going On

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