I spent a chunk of my afternoon yesterday in the heart of Hollywood at a press junket taking place at a hotel that also housed the 2010 National Sexual Assault Conference. It was only appropriate that this junket promoted a porno that featured the star's first interracial fuckfest.

Sure it's rad to enter a suite and have a cheese plate and vacuum-sealed glass of water thrust in my face. (Thrust something in my face and I'll rarely decline.) But having a giant black cock, oozing blood and girl-on-girl finger-banging (not in that order, don't worry) on the screen to my left is nothing short of distracting.

This porno is called “Sanatorium,” took five years to finish and stars Tabitha Stevens (the chick who got all that plastic surgery to fix flaws that weren't actually there. No not Heidi Montag…the pornier one.) So basically Stevens, busty blond Kagney Linn Karter and dudes with big dicks had sex in more than 30 locations. Well sorta…the movie was shot in more than 30. I just sort of assume there was fucking going on in those areas, too…whether or not it was caught on camera, I don't care.

So anywho, Zero Tolerance and the filmmakers took this way more seriously than the rest of the world likely ever will and invited media outlets from across the state to meet the stars and view an advanced cut of this “psychological porn thriller.”

So I had to ask the most obvious question first. What the fuck took so long? Five years extends to 20 in porn years and, as noticeable in this film, a lot of silicone and plastic appears and disappears (and sometimes reappears) in a short period of time.

It sounds like “Sanatorium” was a pet project that got retooled, reworked and, finally, made beyond R-rated. The filmmaker and Stevens planned the film to “tell the stigmatized hell Tabitha had gone through in her career” as an adult star and turned it into a full on fuck film when the “gem” ended up becoming a “pearl.”

[EDITOR'S NOTE: There's a pun in there somewhere. Too exhausted from watching “Sanatorium” to claim it.]

And so the interview continued, telling me that this pearl is really a “descent into insanity” involving U.S. politicians, lawyers, priests and, luckily for the rest of us, some steamy sex.

More surprising than the epic amount of time it took to create the film is the fact that the company spent a lot of dough on 35mm film, special effects and a whole lotta post production.

But will the average porn fan care? Or notice? Who knows. There are buried messages, social commentaries and creepy shit involving blood, shamans and dolls. Even the hardest boner is gonna wilt a tiddly tad.

As we talked about movie details and cheek implants, Karter sat doe-eyed and patient waiting for her turn to speak. So when we paused long enough for me to ask her opinion of her role, Karter sat up in her skin-tight minidress, adjusted her tits a little, and said, “It's an honor to be a part of such a great project. I'm so thankful.”

Someone get her a bronze statue and me a tissue.

See how it went down here. (That's what she said.)

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