Jessica P. OgilvieIt's the holiday season, and that means that many of us are spending our hard-earned paychecks to buy people we know things that they may or may not like in order to assuage our own potential holiday-induced guilt.
If you have to think about what to get people, though, you may as well do it with someone fun like a porn star. We enlisted the help of three of our favorite adult actresses, all models for the website Twistys, to ease the agony of your annual trip to The Grove. (Some links are NSFW).
Brett Rossi is into making people comfortable this Christmas. “The Victoria's Secret yoga packages” make a great gift, she says. “They come with yoga pants and the loose tanks.”
An animal lover and the proud owner of a Pomeranian and a Labrador, Rossi also recommends buying something for your loved ones' four-legged friends.
“They have really fun dog gifts, like dog treats at Pet Smart, and little gingerbread dog cookies. My dogs love those.”
And if all else fails, give your giftee the opportunity to purchase a little caffeine, or a 500-calorie muffin, a snack in which we suspect Rossi herself rarely delights.
“You can never go wrong with a Starbucks gift card,” she says. “I really like to buy the cranberry bliss bar – those are, like, to die for. And recently they started doing these cinnamon rolls; if you get those warmed up, those are a perfect treat for the morning.”
“For your boyfriend,” says Addison, a part-time fetish model, “they have Polaroid cameras, so I was thinking you could give your guy, like, a Polaroid camera, dress like a sexy Santa and let him do a photo shoot of you.”
Personalized condoms are a fun gift too, she says. “You can customize the wrappers and stuff, that's kind of cute.”
For the strap-on users among us, “they have these cool strap-ons that don't have a harness,” she suggests. “They're called Feeldoe. You put part of it in you and it vibrates.”
Like Rossi, Addison is also a dog lover. She suggests buying your friend's pooch a dog toy that she describes as a “pacifier for dogs, and on one end there's a mustache.” Which is probably more a gift for the owner and their new Polaroid camera anyway.
Taylor Vixen only asks that you not be a snoozer this holiday season.
“Everyone's boring with gift cards these days,” she says. “Maybe get someone an iPad.”
If you don't have an extra $400 to sling around, though, Vixen also came up with the idea of a sexy coupon book. “I would put in there one blow job on the spot, like they have to give you the blow job right then,” she says. “Also sex in public, taking a shower together, maybe throw in some other ones like, 'I do the laundry tonight.'”
Vixen herself is both giving and receiving slightly higher-ticket items. She wants princess cut diamond earrings, and for family and friends, she's buying an electric trash can.
“You walk up to it and it opens, and you throw something in it and it will close as you walk away,” she explains.
Hopefully this has helped you solve some of your gift-buying dilemmas, and at the same time enjoy the cyber-company of a few adult film stars. And in the end, don't feel bad if you're having a hard time thinking about what to purchase. “It's so hard to buy for people,” says Vixen.
Porn stars have problems too.
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