Dick Clark may be known as The World's Oldest Teenager, but we think that title ought to go to Charles Phoenix. The nattily dressed, perpetually smiling connoisseur of all things retro has a very unmodern love for dishes that defy good taste — and gravity. In his latest video, the fried cereal advocate and Cherpumple* inventor is back with a special Christmas treat, Frosty the Cheeseball Man.

[Full video after the jump.]

The recipe requires a industrial-size brick of Velveeta that's sliced into thirds, molded into balls, stacked on top of each other and frosted with cream cheese. (There's not enough Lipitor, is there?) To give the cheesy fellow a personality, he gets olive slices for eyes, a bell pepper bowtie, pretzel sticks for arms and a carrot top hat. Then, he's mercilessly melted in a pan.

As Pheonix says, “There are so many things you can dip in him.”

*Ah, the Cherpumple, the turducken of desserts: an apple pie, a cherry pie and a pumpkin pie all rolled into a massive spice cake and frosted with three large tubs of cream cheese.

Elina Shatkin is a staff writer at LA Weekly. Follow her at @elinashatkin or contact her at eshatkin@laweekly.com.

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